r9kElsa and cyborgPunzel
by Lexmarker
Summary: WARNING! WARNING! THIS STORY IS NOT FOR YOU! /FRO/BROS AND TANGLEDFRIENDS ONLY! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! RAW CONTENT INBOUND! NON-ROBOTS WILL BE LOST! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
1. r9kElsa and cyborgPunzel

/r9k/Elsa and cyborgPunzel

It's hard to watch Elsa.

I try not to think too much about it whenever I come over. Eugene tells me I spend too much time worrying about her, that I should just tell her sister what to do to help Elsa.

It isn't that simple. I know what she's feeling. I know what it's like. But she's different too.

Anna likes to hang out in Elsa's room. Anna wants to be close to her sister. I resent Elsa for how she treats her. I wish I had someone like that. I love Eugene, I do, but he was only there at the end. He gave me a way out, but I wanted that chance. I wanted my life to begin.

Elsa. I can see her. She's concealing. She can hide it from everyone else, but not from me. Her parents don't understand. I don't understand. I don't think Elsa understands either. That's why I want to slap some sense into Elsa, sometimes. Because even if I'm the only one she can't hide that part of herself from, Anna is the only one that can understand her.

Maybe that's why I'm here by myself today. I want to understand.

My aunt lets me in. She says that Anna is still at practice. I tell her I understand. I don't mind waiting. She only gives pauses for a second before going back to her work.

Her door is intimidating. Anna was always the one opening her door for me. She told me that it's always been something that's made her nervous whenever she confided in me. I never really knew why she felt that way until today.

Anna always knocks. She waits for her sister to let her in, just like everything else that has to do with Elsa.  
I'm different. I know how to make her come out.

"Elsabot, let me in."

I hear a shuffling noise in her room. Then a creaking as her door opens, a frightened glare looking out from the crack.

"… 2013…" she whispers. "… Revealing your power level."

Elsa opens the door. I've forgotten how tall she is. I've forgotten that Elsa… the old Elsa, was a regal, intimidating, stone-cold bitch. This wasn't Elsa I was talking to. The scared, angry, lingering Elsa. This was the Elsa that Anna saw. I know that we might sound like idiots to anyone else, but I'm pushing Elsa like no one has ever pushed her before. I'm letting her be the robot she is online here, in the real world. I realize now that this may not be the best idea.

"… 2013… still saying 2013…" I reply

Her glare gets colder.

"What do you want, normalfag?" she says, but her door opens wider. This was a new feeling for both of us, and I could see that she was just as tense.

"Implying I'm a normalfag. Implying I can talk like this and not be a robot." I say, trying to draw myself up higher. I know I only come up to her nose, but I return her glare.

She smirks, but it's like a poisoned happiness.

"Cyborgs shouldn't be so full of themselves." She throws the door open and sits back down in her chair. I take the invitation before she changes her mind.

"Get the fuck off the board, faggot." I say as I step inside, trying to sound confident. Words that I've never before said out loud. I don't want to admit it, but it feels good. I sit on the edge of her bed, waiting for her to reply.

"Make me, troll." She says, not even turning away from the screen.

I feel… raeg?

"Say that to my face and not online!" I say, my voice raising.

Her fingers hover over her keyboard for a second, and I can see her tilt her head.

"Two out of ten, got me to reply." She scoffs, before her fingers start clacking on the keys again.

It was infuriating. She was acting exactly like the machine now. I had to do something drastic.

"That feel when cousin is a robot too." I started.

The keyboard stopped again.

"That feel when you're trying your best to help her." I went on.

I could hear the wheels of her chair click.

"That feel when she's smart." I said.

Her socks scratched against the carpet.

"That feel when she's pretty!" I kept going. The words were hot on my tongue.

Her footsteps

"That feel when she's qt3.14!"

"That feel when she just needs to let it go and let people in!"

"That feel when she HAS NO REASON TO BE A ROBOT!"

I felt the stinging on my cheek before I registered that she had struck me.

"ENOUGH, RAPUNZEL!" she said in a strained, tired voice. Did she hit me too hard? Everything was fuzzy… no. I realized that I was crying.

"Just…. Enough." She whispers. And I can see her crying now too.

I sat there on the bed, my fingers trembling as I touched my cheek.

Whatever cold anger Elsa had suddenly deflated, and her shoulders slumped. She collapsed on the bed beside me.

"I can't… I just can't, Rapunzel." She sobbed. I felt her fingers curling on the sleeve of my blouse.

"Why, Elsa? You were never like me! You could go outside whenever you wanted! No one was locking you in except for…" The realization hit me harder than her hand. How could I have forgotten something so simple? Something that really did make me a cyborg instead of a robot for not thinking of it before.

"… No one was locking you in except for you…"

Elsa looked up at me and I finally met her gaze.

"… is it really that fucked up?" I asked, my voice trying to be gentle.

She nods a bit, wiping her own tears with her sleeve.

"Y… yeah. I'm finding out just how fucked up it is, but I always knew, somehow." Elsa whispered.

"Is it something you can tell me?" I said. I tried touching her hand, but I drew back just before.

"It doesn't matter. You'll know how to find it out. You're not a fucking idiot." She said, and then she smiled again at me. "Sorry about the normalfag thing."

It was a rollercoaster five minutes, and I still don't know why I started crying out loud.

"A… *hic*… bloo… bloo… bloo." I couldn't help myself, and I was starting to laugh on top of everything else in that fucked up hour.

And I guess Elsa felt the same way, because a second later she holding me and crying and laughing as well.

"B… bursting into treats!"

"W… why is it raining so hard in your room?"

Finally we calmed down enough and I guess Elsa realized what she was doing, slowly pulling back. The smile that she had was smaller now, but at least it was still there.

"Thank you, Rapunzel. I feel… well, I don't think I feel better, but…" She started as we were both wiping away our tears. She looked like she had a hard time finding the words, but I knew what she meant.

"I know that feel." I said. It was the only thing that I could say. It was the only thing that was right to say.  
Elsa opened her lips to say something, but a knock on her door stopped the moment.

"Elsa? Rapunzel? I know you're in there." Came a small voice. When I saw Elsa's face when she heard that voice, I understood. I understood everything.

Elsa… was happy. Her smile wasn't relief. Her smile wasn't cynical. Her smile was pure, clear joy.

It was only a flicker, and as soon as the knob started to turn, it was gone. A confused Anna came in to see the  
both of us, and we probably looked shifty as all get out too.

Anna looked at the both of us, knowing something was up.

"Hey! What were you guys doing in here?" Anna said, crossing her arms.

I looked to Elsa, but she was already standing up, getting on her computer. Anna looked at me for an explanation and I shrugged.

"Just robot stuff. We were just killing time while we were waiting for you."

Anna looked at Elsa, and it was as if she could feel her sister's stare.

"It's a hobby." Elsa said simply, and then the keyboard sounds started up again.

It wasn't the best answer, and Anna didn't look convinced at all, but seeing how tense the two of us were, I think she just decided to drop it.

"Well… count me in the next time. Robots are… cool…" Anna said, lamely. I couldn't help but laugh.

"I guess. It wasn't that great really. I don't think there'll be a next time." I sighed, looking at Elsa's back.  
The keyboard stopped again, and Elsa turned her head.

"Maybe." She mumbled, before turning back to her screen.

I smiled. There were still some things to ask. There places that I know would be harder to get to with Elsa. Places I'm not sure I want to understand. But there was a maybe.

Maybe was good enough.


	2. Robots and Cyborgs Play the Game of Life

"Pillar, pillar. Left, fuck, argh, Noooo… Rapunzel, how are you getting stunlocked… argh. BOF BOF BOF. FUCK IT." Rapunzel winced as Elsa screamed into her headset. Elsa had been excited at first, seeing the rogue-druid combo as an easy win for their arena rating, but Rapunzel was disappointingly terrible at PvP it seemed.

"Argh, no, wait… you made me download too many new addons. It's messing up my timers… is it… this?" Rapunzel said, her fingers tying themselves in knots as she tried to keep up with Elsa's whirlwind of a Death Knight.

"Nevermind! Just keep yourself up!"

Rapunzel's screen looked like a terrible whirl of green, purple, and blue as Elsa's attacks made mincemeat of the druid. Now that the death knight wasn't worrying about actively keep Rapunzel's paladin alive, Elsa was carrying the team as the rogue started to panic and blow cooldown after cooldown uselessly on Elsa's armored avatar.

"RAPUNZEL, HAMMER, HAMMER, HAMMER!" Elsa screeched in her ear again, and Rapunzel barely pressed the attack key in time just as the rogue tried to use his vanish attack. Rapunzel breathed a sigh of relief as Elsa brutally murdered the other player, slumping down in her seat as the win screen popped up on her computer.

"Elsa, I don't think I can run arenas with you. This is way too much stress." Rapunzel sighed, switching her blood elf's arena gear back to her roleplay dresses.

"Huh? I thought you did great." Elsa replied, zoning in next to Rapunzel in her mismatched clown outfit. The pieces of armor on the orc assaulted Rapunzel's eyes, but Elsa was a no-nonsense technical player that didn't even bother transmogging her gear. All Elsa ever cared about was the best in slot armor, after all.

Things had been strange between the two girls after their heart to heart. Rapunzel was glad that she finally had someone to share all her nerdy hobbies with, and was even happier that Elsa was finally opening up to her after so many years. But Elsa just took everything too seriously. Rapunzel's still felt a little embarrassed when she tried to get Elsa to do a raid finder Siege of Orgrimmar with her. An hour later and three very forced interviews and applications, Rapunzel was now apparently part of their server's premier raiding guilds all because Elsa "didn't want to be related to a scrub".

"Wanna do Winter Veil stuff with me, Elsa?" Rapunzel said, noticing all the other players decked out in red and green Santa outfits.

"What? Those are a waste of time. I need to do ladder matches anyway." Elsa said, and Rapunzel saw the death knight fade away while Elsa's friend tag switched from Warcraft to Starcraft icons.

Rapunzel shrugged, then started clicking through the quests. It didn't take long for the sounds of Protoss units and buildings completing to start coming from her headphones.

"He's a fucking /b/tard."

Rapunzel had to make sure that she wasn't imagining things. She could count the number of times Elsa started a conversation with me on one hand. And that number would be zero.

"Who's a /b/tard?" Rapunzel asked with a little bit of apprehension. The biggest thing that would make Elsa talk would be 4chan, but Rapunzel still wasn't sure about Elsa's crazy attitude shift whenever she did go into full robot mode.

"Kristoff. He said 'inawoods' yesterday. I know he did." Elsa almost growled. The sounds of dying Terran marines immediately followed as Rapunzel processed what Elsa was saying.

This was interesting.

"You noticed that?" Rapunzel said, clicking through caves of yetis as she went on with her questing.

"Yeah. There've been other things too. He said 'your face when' to Anna when she ate some jalapenos yesterday." More screaming marines and the sounds of exploding tanks.

"Elsa, that's something that people actually say. You're kinda tinfoiling here." Rapunzel said, trying to calm her down.

"Rapunzel, he was saying 'potatoes' the other day, too! POTATO!" Elsa grumbled. Rapunzel had to stifle a laugh.

The sound of more dying terrans and finally the victory music played in Rapunzel's ear.

"Anna really likes him, doesn't she?"

Rapunzel didn't say anything as the silence hung in the air.

"Elsa…" she tried to find something, anything to say.

A minute passed, and Rapunzel saw Elsa's blizzard status turn grey and offline.

"Damnit, Rapunzel…" she said softly to herself.

She drew her legs up to her chest and let out a tired sigh.


	3. The Rider and the Robot

"I can't believe you."

Eugene knew that tone. He knew it all too well. Girls that he cheated on gave him that tone. Disappointed foster parents gave him that tone. Former best friends that he stabbed in the back gave him that tone.

So while he hated that tone, he did know how to field the people that sent it his way. The only problem was, for the first time in forever, it was coming from someone who he genuinely cared about. That made things a little bit more complicated.

"I know. I admit that I am pretty unbelievable." Eugene said, shrugging as he turned on the car and closed the door.

Rapunzel just kept giving her a death glare as she stood outside with her arms crossed, refusing to take her seat.

"DARING ANNA TO KISS HER SISTER? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Rapunzel screamed, balling her hands into fists as she shook with anger.

Eugene felt what he could only describe as his testicles retracting as they tried to hide from his girlfriend's wrath. He had only ever seen Rapunzel raise her voice like this once, maybe twice in his life, and he knew he was in for a shitstorm.

"Okay, fine, fine, just get in here." He said, dropping his cocky act and pleading with Rapunzel, reaching out to take the girl's hand. Rapunzel batted it away, and the petite girl winced as she misjudged her swing in her drunkenness.

"Don't you touch me, FITZHERBERT. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? I tell you EVERYTHING in confidence. You know EXACTLY what Elsa's going through. You KNOW just how bad things can be for people like her… people like ME! And you PULL THAT PIECE OF SHIT MOVE?" Rapunzel yelled at the top of her lungs and Eugene winced as neighborhood dogs started to bark and some of the nosier neighbors peeked through window shades.

"Yes, Blondie, I get it, okay, I fucked up. You can yell at me, but please just get in the car…" Eugene only felt more red hot anger from Rapunzel, and he knew he had to switch tracks. "… look, we can't have it out like this. Your cousins might hear you screaming about them, alright?"

Rapunzel's expression softened and she looked back at the house, then back to her idiot boyfriend squirming in his seat. Letting out one last angry scream, she stomped into the car, slamming the door as hard as she could.

"Thank you." Eugene said lamely.

Rapunzel scoffed, staring him down again and lowering her voice to a threatening hiss. "You… are proving… Gothel… right… about men…"

Eugene was realizing with each passing second exactly how badly he'd botched up the situation. If Rapunzel was even bringing up THAT name, then he was probably in the deepest shit he'd ever been in since he finally got the courage to ask her out.

"It was the alcohol. I wasn't thinking straight." He said, hanging his head.

"I've seen you pound stronger gasoline down your throat at the Snuggly Duckling. Pabst is piss water, Eugene."

Eugene quashed the little mote of pride he felt at Rapunzel's statement. Now was not the time to grasp at ego boosts.

"I was just trying to help, Rapunzel." He said, but Rapunzel still wasn't buying any of it.

"What you were trying to do was get a rise out of a shut-in. I shouldn't even be surprised, I know you have practice in it!" Rapunzel said with a few infuriated laughs in between sentences.

"Well it worked out the first time, Rapunzel! Maybe I didn't have the best of intentions about it, but giving her a push might be just the thing!" Eugene said.

Rapunzel's eyes lost a bit of their fire as she processed what Eugene thought he was doing, but she still leveled a steely gaze at the man.

"Elsa's a different kind of robot, Eugene. She doesn't want to change. At least not in the way that you think." She said, finally going back to her normal voice. Inside, she was still a whirlwind of emotions, but right now she had to stop letting the alcohol drive her feelings. She forced herself to settle down.

It was Eugene's turn to sigh. "Look, I can't take you seriously when you start talking like that, Blondie. All these made-up labels just- OOF!" He grunted, feeling a flare of pain on his shoulder from Rapunzel's unexpected punch. Eugene replayed what he just said in his head and realized just how well-deserved that punch was.

Rapunzel took a few deep breaths and settled back in her seat.

"Feels. Normalfag. Tfwnogf. Chad. Waifu. Betas. Spaghetti. /r9k/." She listed off. "You don't know anything about those words at all, but for Elsa, those words spell out her entire life."

Rapunzel met Eugene's gaze again, and he was surprised to see that she weren't angry at all anymore. The expression that she DID have instead broke his heart and he wished that she would just explode and start hitting him again.

"Elsa is suffering, Eugene. She's not like me, and I'm not like her. Pushing her the way that you did will only make her more fucked up."

Eugene was at a loss for words. He never really thought much about Rapunzel's little online world, especially since she was such a happy and outgoing girl, but he did see snatches of the darkness that his girlfriend kept bottled away sometimes. If he was dragging someone else into something like that, then he definitely deserved everything and more that Rapunzel had given him.

But just as he started down that line of thought, he felt her hand on his lap.

"I'm not mad anymore. I know that you're just trying to help, Eugene. I just… don't want to see Elsa hurt." Rapunzel said softly.

"I'm sorry, Rapunzel." Eugune whispered, taking her hand in his.

"I said it's fine." Rapunzel said again, but she slipped her fingers out from his hand and turned away. Looking back at the house, Rapunzel crossed her arms and slid back into the seat.

"Take me home please, Eugene."

Eugene felt the urge to say something, but thought against it. He could always count on his wits to get him through the day, but with Rapunzel, and everything about Rapunzel, he found that things never turned out the way he would expect. That was something that he loved about the girl, even if he never knew just when he would be stepping on an emotional landmine. But for Rapunzel, he would have thrown himself in front of a bomb if he had too.

Eugene licked his lips and pulled out of the driveway. Even though he was supposed to be the mature one, he still had a lot of growing up to do…


	4. WHAT DOES THE SCOUTER SAY!

"Sooooooo… Kristoff, huh? Must be nice." Rapunzel said, nervously tapping her coffee mug.

As much as she loved Anna and loved how they clicked, the issue about Elsa actually made Rapunzel realize something.

She knew jack shit about Anna.

Sure, she knew Anna's hobbies and interests. She knew that they both loved girling out and gossiping about boys. She knew that they were, at their core, almost made to be besties and that she had a true friend and confidant in her cousin.

But that was all just on the surface. In all honesty, anyone with Facebook and a Pinterest could get the kind of stuff she knew about Anna in a hot second. And while she did know that she was Anna's best friend too, it was more of an internal bond than anything that they shared with experience.

All of this compounded to make Rapunzel one anxious mess.

"Oh, he's the best. You know, he was really rough around the edges, but whenever he relaxes he's a lot of fun to hang around with." Anna said.

Well, that was… nice? Rapunzel thought.

"So what made you fall for him?" Rapunzel asked, leaning in. The conversation was pleasant, and it was pretty much how they usually talked, but Rapunzel actually needed to dig a little bit deeper than banal chitchat.

Anna and the Cyborg  
-

"Well, he is pretty easy on the eyes." Anna said, winking and giggling.

Something snapped in Rapunzel right that second.

"Bitches and whores."

"What was that, Rapunzel?" Anna said, her brow furrowed in confusion.

Rapunzel let out a small squeak as she realized that she tipped her fedora. She laughed, trying to cover up her slip.

"B… b… beaches! And shores! Haha, I was just thinking that he would look reaaaally nice in a speedo! Y-yeah." Rapunzel blurted out, taking a big swig of coffee to hide her face behind her mug.

Anna's expression switched back as she took the explanation. "Oh, you better believe it. You know, he was working on his car the other day and he took of his…"

Rapunzel's head was buzzing and Anna's words just started to sound like so much static. She spilled spaghetti. It was as if she woke up from a long, wonderful dream of being normal and she was starting to see metal underneath her skin. She loved Anna, she really did, but it was as if her face was crawling with greentext.

fucking cunt

slut

normalfag

qt3.14

Chelsie Thundercunt

Rapunzel blinked and shook her head, trying to clear the little cloud of words from her sight. When she opened them, she caught her reflection in the café window and was shocked to see a little cloud over her face as well.

aspie

faggot

whore

cumdumpster

robot

y-you too!

"Are you okay, Rapunzel." She heard someone say and she almost jumped when she felt something touch her hand.

All the greentext started falling away and Rapunzel's heart beat started to slow down from the machinegun it had been scant minutes ago. Anna was looking at her with concern, and Rapunzel felt the world coming back into focus.

"Oh, sorry. Just… I think this coffee was a little too hot for me." Rapunzel said, pushing the cup away.

Anna nodded and launched into a conversation about how she had a bad panera once and Rapunzel zoned out again. She had wanted to get a better feeling about Elsa and Anna, but ever since Elsa started mixing her two worlds together, Rapunzel was starting to experience an unreal sort of crisis.

What had she been doing up until now? Shopping, cafes, boyfriends in the daytime, 4chan and Blizzard at night. She was living two completely different lives. She'd always dismissed the stories about girls that had active lives and browsed 4chan at the same time, even hating them just like all the other anons had. And now she was one of them.

Had she always felt this way? It was crashing down too fast and she felt the darkness creep up into her heart. Who was she fooling? Why was she even bothering to pretend? Was she becoming an vapid cunt now? Why did it feel so wrong to like how she was? Why was she so fucked up? What had ever convinced her she could do any of this?

Who the fuck did she think she was?

"Rapunzel?"

She looked up from the dark hole she found herself in.

"Eugene." She said in a small voice.

The world was starting to come back into focus and she found that her face was wet with tears and her nose was running. She looked to the side and saw that Anna had stood and placed her arm over her shoulder in concern. Rapunzel was so far gone that she hadn't heard anything.

"Sorry Eugene. I don't know what happened. We were talking about sandwiches and Rapunzel just started crying." Anna said, taking out a hanky and starting to wipe away Rapunzel's tears.

Eugene only needed a second to process the scene in front of him. He sighed, putting his hand on Rapunzel's back.

"Thanks, Anna. I think I know what's up. Let me take it from here." He said, and Rapunzel looked at him gratefully.

"Sure. Okay." Anna said slowly, still unsure of what to make of the situation. She looked back at Rapunzel and gave her a little hug. "Feel better, okay? We'll talk about it later if you want to." Rapunzel gave a weak smile and returned the hug, mouthing a small sorry as she let herself be lead away by Eugene.

"Is everything alright, blondie?" Eugene said, taking Rapunzel's hand in his.

"No… yes?" Rapunzel said letting out a heavy sigh. "It's complicated."

Eugene squeezed her hand and nodded. "I'm here for you."

"I know, Eugene." Rapunzel smiled, her heart feeling a little bit lighter, and she rested her head on his shoulder. Her mind might have been falling apart at the seams, but Eugene was there with her now, and that was enough for her.


	5. Therapy With Someone You Hold Dear

"I messed up big time today." Rapunzel sighed, baring her soul as she recounted the experience with Anna at the coffee shop.

"It's just… it hasn't been that long since I've started, you know, hanging out in the REAL world." Rapunzel said, hugging her knees to her chest.

"There was just so much spaghetti – UGH – I mean… what, assburgers? No, that's still chanspeak. What's a normalfag word for it?" Rapunzel buried her face in her pajamas. "I'm doing it again, aren't I?" she said, peeking her head up.

"But that's what I mean, though!" Rapunzel said, shifting and crossing her legs. "I've never really thought about ever MEETING another robot. Like, I KNOW that other robots were out there, but meeting one was never something I thought of happening even before Eugene came along. And then I find out that it's Elsa?!" Rapunzel said, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Maybe it's something that runs in the family…" Rapunzel said, but she waved it off. "No, no… that's stupid. Anna isn't like us, and neither are our parents." She let out another heavy sigh and slumped, resting her hands on her lap.

"Now the whole situation is making my head spin. Am I actually a robot still? Or maybe I was a normalfag all along and I should bite the bullet and just start being lewd all over the place?" Rapunzel groaned, now putting her head in her palms.

"Is it even that big a deal?" Rapunzel said, but then she quickly frowned. "No… of course it's a big deal. Normalfags might try to make it sound like it's not a big deal, but then they never have to deal with the stares or that stupid stupid stupid gap in a conversation!" Rapunzel felt like screaming again.

"Maybe letting Elsa be her /r9k/ self in the real world infected me too." Rapunzel said, taking a pillow and holding it tight. "It would fit… we're both sick in the head." She said, giving a weak chuckle.

"I didn't want to cry." Rapunzel said, more into the pillow than out loud. "I never want to cry. I mean, who likes crying? Bursting into treats." Rapunzel laughed again sadly.

"What am I even going to tell Anna? I know she heard me call her a bitch and a whore. RRrrrrr… that was such a metric ton of spaghettiiii." Rapunzel moaned, scrunching the pillow up before giving it a little toss across the room.

"You know, the only reason I'm even feeling this way is because I'm trying to help Elsa. Should I even bother?" Rapunzel said, but started up again without bothering to hear an answer. "No. No. I know I should. Not even should. I need to help her." Rapunzel's voice dropped again. "There aren't very many people that can help."

Rapunzel took in a deep breath and squared her shoulder.

"Look, I know you're having a hard time processing all the stuff I just said, but I just wanted to say thanks. You've always been there for me." Rapunzel said, giving a soft smile. Rapunzel realized something though, and she groaned as she remembered another embarrassing detail.

"And then Eugene had to pick up the pieces. Can you believe this, Pascal?" Rapunzel said, flopping back on to her bed with a pomf.

The chameleon sat silently in his tank, staring blankly at the girl.

"Yeah, you're right Pascal. You always know just what to say. I almost went a little crazy back there."

The little green lizard just went on pretending to be a leaf as Rapunzel hopped out of bed, whistling a happy tune, and booted up her computer.

On his branch, Pascal gave a little whir and chomped on a mealworm.


	6. Robot Sandwiches

"So, Elsa, Eugene has something he wants to say to you." Rapunzel smiled giddily as the pair sat, staring across each other from opposite sides of the kitchen table.

For two totally different people, Elsa and Eugene had almost identical expressions of 'this is a load of bullshit' as they slumped on their chairs, wondering why they had to put up with their mutual connection. Elsa was the first to break the silence.

"Rapunzel, this is a terrible idea. I'm going home" Elsa said, actively ignoring Eugene as she glared at her cousin. She made a move to push back her chair, only to have Rapunzel's feet jerk the chair leg back into place, knocking Elsa back into the seat with a thud.

"NO! We are going to have this nice, CIVILIZED conversation and we're going to patch things up!" Rapunzel said with her stubborn tone, going to the counter for a second then plopping down a quivering bowl of lutefisk in front of Elsa. "Good feelings!" Rapunzel smiled.

"She spent two hours making that monstrosity." Eugene said from the corner of his mouth to Elsa. Even if it was one of her favorite meals, Elsa did have to admit that the towering blob was a bit intimidating.

"Ah, so the Snow Queen CAN smile. I knew it."

Elsa gasped, realizing that she had given a small grin at Eugene's crack. She ducked her head, face burning with shame at being caught off guard.

"OW! Hey…" Eugene suddenly yelped, giving Rapunzel a hurt stare as he reached down to rub his shin.

"Eugene! I thought I told you not to make jokes like that!" Rapunzel said in exasperation. She kicked him again to prove her point, and Eugene scooted his chair back to avoid his girlfriend's assault.

"Is this how you two are always like?" Elsa said in a deadpan, watching the two at their antics.

"Well, no, sometimes we actually do this naked. Rapunzel has a sadistic streak where –" "EUGENE!" "OW! OW! OW!" Rapunzel had actually stood up from her seat and was starting to bat at Eugene's hair, the older man laughing as he attempted to duck and tried in vain not to get hit by her tiny hands.

They both stopped when a voice like a ringing bell started to fill the kitchen with laughter.

"You two are idiots. Am I in a sitcom or something?" Elsa chuckled, and while her laughter was still laced with cynicism, she looked a bit more relaxed than when Rapunzel had pulled Eugene into the room.

Rapunzel smiled too, and she looked at Eugene. He shrugged, never on to look a gift horse in the mouth, and pushed his chair back to the table. Elsa had started to munch on the lutefisk and looked at least willing to entertain what the two of them had to say.

"So, listen, about the other night. It was a dick move on my part. Rapunzel told me about all the robotics stuff and how I should be a little more… I dunno, tactful?" Eugene said, his voice more sincere as he leaned back on his seat.

Elsa looked up from her plate with a mouthful of lutefisk, switching back from Rapunzel and Eugene. She chewed her food thoughtfully, using the time to think.

"Eugene. You're a normalfag. You'll never understand what it's like and 'tact' won't be enough. I appreciate the gesture, but I'd rather you just stayed away from me." Elsa said. She stopped for a moment then spoke up again. "Maybe if things were different, we might have been able to hang out without problems." She turned away from Eugene to look at Rapunzel.

"You can do what you want, Rapunzel. You're my friend, and I'm thankful to the bottom of my heart that we can be the way we are with each other in comfort. But I don't think anything can help with what I'm dealing with." Elsa said, pushing the empty plate of lutefisk away. Rapunzel wanted to ask her to stay, but the way that Elsa spoke, she knew that it would be a bad idea to push it.

"But, Rapunzel. Thank you for trying. It means a lot to me." Elsa said, turning to look back at her cousin as she was halfway out the door.

Rapunzel couldn't help but smile brightly right back.

"You're worth it, Elsa." Rapunzel said simply, and Elsa blushed furiously, turning away.

"It's raid night. Make sure you pick up a flask from the guild bank." Elsa said simply, but Rapunzel could see the ghost of a smile on the girl's face.

And just like that, Elsa turned away and slammed the door.

The door frame shook a bit, and Eugene and Rapunzel found themselves alone with each other.

"I think you got through to her blondie." Eugene said, standing up and patting Rapunzel's shoulder.

"Yeah… I think I did." She smiled, putting her hand over his. They sat there for a moment in comfortable silence.

"Soooooo… how long before your parents come home?"

"Eugene!" Rapunzel laughed, giving him a playful bop. But then she looked at the clock surreptitiously. "… well… they won't be coming back for at least another two hours…"

"More than enough time to de-robotificate you some more." Eugene smirked, and, just for a little bit, Rapunzel let herself melt under his smolder.


	7. It Was Supposed To Be Cute

"This is actual art. This kills the Elsa drawfag." Elsa muttered as she passed through the door into Rapunzel's little studio.

"C'mon now, don't be like that. You're the one… oof… the one that wanted some pointers, right? Besides, we never get to hang out outside of Orgrimmar." Rapunzel said as she hefted canvases and paint tins to clear a space for an extra drawing table.

"And this'll help make up for the stunt with Eugene I pulled last week." Rapunzel said, an apologetic smile on her face. She cleared away all of her own projects from the space and patted the surface for Elsa to put her work down.

"I've already forgotten about it." Elsa said, taking her seat and putting her sketchpad on the table. It was a boldfaced lie, though, and she had spent a lot of cringe-filled moments wincing whenever she remembered the little episode. Not that Rapunzel had to know.

Rapunzel could see the little tic that Elsa had when she answered her, and she knew that she'd rustled Elsa's jimmies despite what her cousin was saying. Thinking it was best not to dwell on it and focus on the task at hand.

But what a task that was.

"So you're sure about this?" Rapunzel said, knowing exactly what was in the sketchbook and all the implications it had. Once she looked into it, it would mean Elsa had opened up a major part of herself to Rapunzel, as well as Rapunzel finally facing what she had always dreaded seeing firsthand.

"It's better than airing out all our dirty laundry on /r9k/." Elsa grumbled, placing her sketchpad on top of the table. "Hey, did you see that butthurt guy in the thread you made? Haha, he was raging hard." Elsa smirked as Rapunzel took a seat next to her.

"Oh yeahhhh… 'hurr durr not ur personal blog'. Lulzy fag." Rapunzel smiled, sharing a quiet laugh with Elsa as she felt the thrill of using words that she usually bit her tongue at in real life. Their laughter settled down and they both looked at the unassuming yellow book resting ominously on the raised plane in front of them.

"Well…" Elsa said, scratching her neck in anxiousness.

"Yeah… here goes…" Rapunzel nodded, reaching out and flipping back the cover, ready for anything.

Elsa sat in tense silence as Rapunzel flipped through page after page of her drawings. She felt the strange need to both say absolutely nothing and try to justify every little scribble and scratch that Rapunzel's uncharacteristically intense gaze fell upon. For now, Elsa's silent personality won out and she held herself in check.

Just as Elsa thought she couldn't take it anymore, Rapunzel reached the last page and nodded, straightening back up to look at Elsa properly.

"I have good news and bad news." Rapunzel said, looking deadly serious. Elsa was all ears.

"First off, you don't need Loomis." Rapunzel said, and her no-nonsense mask began to crack as she let out a little snort. Elsa just quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Secondly. LOOMIS!" Rapunzel said , bursting in a fit of giggles that almost made her slip off her stool.

Elsa groaned and gave Rapunzel a mock chop to the head. "Hah, quit fucking trolling me!" she growled, trying not to join Rapunzel. As much as she hated to admit it, Rapunzel had the same infectiously happy laugh that Anna had, and it took all her practice of keeping a straight face in front of her sister not to be overwhelmed by her weird urges.

"I… snrt… I'm sorry. I always wanted to use that line." Rapunzel said, wiping away a tear. "But it's true though. You have the basics down. Proportions are all there, the lines are clean, you can draw what you want… all of the stuff covered in 'Fun with a Pencil'. Now you just need to get some depth and value." Rapunzel said, flipping through and pointing out examples for Elsa to see. "You probably already know it since I saw some blooks in the first pages. So now you have to learn the other books." Elsa nodded, knowing what Rapunzel was talking about and she felt grateful that she was getting things in an /ic/ perspective.

Rapunzel flipped through a few more sheets before she stopped on the last page of Elsa's drawings. Elsa couldn't read her expression, but she could take a few guesses as Rapunzel stared at the page.

"You'll need to some help with this one. Maybe Cavardi if you're using the sticky. At least that's what I think you're trying to go for here." Rapunzel said in an even tone as she took in the drawing. She turned and looked at Elsa.

"A lot of love is going into this one." Rapunzel said in a softer voice. Rapunzel's hands followed the delicate lines of the portrait, never touching the surface but highlighting each space where Elsa had captured Anna's likeness perfectly.

"And you could tell that by the pixels, right?" Elsa said, chuckling weakly. Try as she might, she couldn't help but feel the tears starting to well up in her eyes as she let Rapunzel see into the world that she had kept locked away for so long.

Rapunzel's felt her own eyes misting as she saw Elsa at her most vulnerable. They both knew that the pretense of a drawing lesson was quickly crumbling around them. Though Elsa was the older of the two, she looked at Rapunzel with eyes of someone that had been lost for a very long time.

"Elsa, I…" Rapunzel said, reaching out for Elsa, before the two girls heard a yell from inside the house.

"RAPUNZEL! I KNOW YOU KIDNAPPED MY SISTER AGAIN!" Anna's voice pierced through the silence of the studio, and Elsa and Rapunzel's eyes shot wide in panic as they heard Anna's footsteps on the staircase.

They scrambled to put the picture away, fumbling with each other and actually batting the pad off the pedestal and watching it fly through the air. Only the adrenaline of the situation gave Elsa enough of a jolt to actually clear the jump to catch the sketchpad and hide it behind her on the table. Elsa barely had enough time to stand up and dust herself off before Anna opened the door.

"No fair! You guys never invite me along for anything!" Anna pouted, stomping into the room.

Rapunzel had an unnaturally stretched smile over her face and Elsa only flapped her mouth uselessly as Anna made her entrance. The youngest girl didn't seem to notice and strode over next to Rapunzel, taking Elsa's seat.

"So what are you guys up to? I had to call uncle to find out where Elsa was at when I found out she wasn't home today." Anna said, plopping herself onto the stool. Rapunzel's eyes darted to Elsa for help, but the older girl's own panicked look told her that she was on her own.

"Haha, we were just… uh… I… taking… um… Elsaaaa's…. portrait?" Rapunzel said slowly, shrugging painfully with each syllable. Elsa piped up and cleared her throat, joining in on the lie with equal spaghetti.

"Oh… yeah… you know Rapunzel… a… always drawing… things…" Elsa said lamely, shifting where she stood.

Rapunzel took initiative and tried to add some detail to their idiotic lie, hoping that Anna wouldn't be too suspicious. "Well, you know me. I just, umm… had the idea in my head to draw Elsa! I mean, you see a face for so long as an… an artist and you just think to yourself 'hmmm, I wonder if I can draw that' in your head."

Elsa's breath caught in her throat as she prayed to God that Anna was buying it. She could feel her stomach tie into knots as Anna looked between her and Rapunzel, as if trying to find something.

"Oh, cool! Can I take a look?" Anna said, and Elsa felt her heart stop as her sister reached behind her.

Time slowed down as Elsa felt herself swim through molasses, trying to stop Anna from drawing the sketchbook back and opening the pages. Somewhere in the far distance, she could hear Rapunzel utter a long, drawn out "Noooooooo… nooooooottttt….. thaaaaaaatttt….. ooooonnneeeee…." but it was too late for either of the girls to react.

Elsa and Rapunzel could only watch helplessly as Anna leafed through the pages, her carefree expression slowly becoming more and more vague and withdrawn with each sketch and each figure study on the page leading up to the one, single, monolithic, incriminating portrait.

Elsa said goodbye to life as she knew it as Anna took what felt like forever to study her drawing, and Rapunzel sent out fervent mental apologies trying to wish away this moment for Elsa. They both realized they were holding their breath when Anna finally broke the silence.

"Wow! These are really great, Rapunzel! I mean, it doesn't feel like your style, and some of the other drawings were like, I dunno, rougher than what you usually do. But this last one is amazing!" Anna smiled, holding up the page as Rapunzel and Elsa's minds broke from the pressure.

"I guess you really can't help drawing people around you, huh Rapunzel? Where'd you put Elsa's? I bet hers is great!"

Rapunzel didn't know whether to laugh or cry, so she did both. Loudly.

"Ohmigosh. Ohmigosh. Ra… Rapunzel, are you okay. Oh jeez. Elsa, was it something I said?" Anna said, rushing to comfort Rapunzel as she blubbered and laughed.

Elsa looked at her sister and felt the familiar tang of bile on her tongue.

"Sorry. I think I need to go to the bathroom." Elsa said calmly, far beyond the point of insanity as a trickle of vomit leaked through the corner of her lips. She silently walked to the door and turned away from sight, leaving an immensely confused Anna holding on to their hysterical cousin.

Elsewhere in the house, the contents of a young shut-in's stomach found their way into an eagerly awaiting toilet.


	8. NORMALFAGS GO HOME!

"Alright, spill Eugene. What's going on with Elsa and Rapunzel?" Anna said, leveling an accusing finger in front of Eugene's nose. She had tracked down the sleazeball all through his many questionable haunts and finally cornered him on the seedier side of town in front of someplace called "The Snuggly Duckling".

"Whoa, easy, strawberry. You might put somebody's eye out with that thing." Eugene said with his easy drawl, his hands up in defense as Anna poked at his direction. It was the middle of the day and none of the regular riffraff was up and about yet, so Eugene decided that he could mess with his girlfriend's cousin for a bit.

"Besides, why are you asking? Jealous?" Eugene said with a smirk, raising an eyebrow as he leaned on the wall of the Duckling. Anna's face lit up and she let out a little set of flustered gasps.

"Wha… you… I… Just… just tell me what they keep doing! Every time I catch them alone they just clam up and change the subject or, you know, start crying! That's… that's weird, Eugene! Aren't you worried at all about it?" Anna said, trying to keep herself together.

'Oh, if only you knew how right you were about that, princess.' Eugene thought, letting out a little chortle that only served to infuriate Anna even more.

"So they're a little weird, so what? Everybody's a little weird, Anna. Have you MET your boyfriend?" Eugene said, and watched Anna continue her imitation of an indignant goldfish.

"K-Kristoff's quirky! And that has nothing to do with Elsa and Rapunzel being weird. I already know how weird Elsa can get! It's that they're… they're being all weird together!" Anna blurted, then realized what she said and quickly backtracked. "I mean, not that they're being weird TOGETHER or they're WEIRD TOGETHER, it's just…. Argh, they're just acting funnier than usual, alright?"

"From what I hear, you act pretty weird with your sister aaaaall the time." Eugene said, waggling his eyebrows. Seeing the younger girl turn into a Christmas light was the most fun he'd had all day.

"I was drunk, and you dared us! Get your head of the gutter, Fitzherbert!" Anna said, giving Eugene a small shove.

Eugene laughed, but found that the girl packed a lot more strength in her little lacrosse frame than he anticipated. He found himself stumbling and tripping backwards, and his arms started to pinwheel. His momentum brought him crashing backwards into the a parked motorcycle, and Anna gasped as the man and the bike crashed loudly on to the street.

"Uh oh…" Anna whispered, and they could hear shuffling and yells from inside the dive.

"What the hell's up with all this ruckus?! It's too early for…" Anna turned to see where the voice like a gravel truck was coming from. She almost wished she hadn't when she saw the mountain of a man emerge from the tiny doors of the Duckling.

"MY BIKE! RIDER, THAT'S THE LAST STRAW! YOU'RE GONNA EAT SO MUCH PAVEMENT IT'S GONNA MAKE A CEMENT MIXER OUT OF YOUR ASS!" the thug bellowed and Eugene had the same expression as a frog under a flashlight, struggling to extricate himself from the motorcycle.

"N… now come on, Vlad. It was an accident. These things…"

"I've had enough of your mouth, Rider!" Vladimir said, catching the front of Eugene's shirt and lifting him up. The Vladimir pulled back his other meaty first for the punch, and Anna was finally shaken out of her stupor.

"Hey, wait, no! It's not his fault!" She cried out, catching Vladimir's arm and trying to hold it back.

The giant turned his head and looked at Anna. She suddenly wished that she hadn't spoken up and started to back away slowly.

"And who are you?" Vladimir rumbled, lowering Eugene as he looked over the petite girl. Anna felt like her heart would jump of out her throat any at any second.

"Urk… she's… Blondie's… cousin…" Eugene added helpfully through Vladimir's choking of his collar.

"Cousin… Punzie's?" Vladimir said, recognition lighting up his face as he looked Anna over, letting go of Eugene completely and forgetting about the young man.

"Haha… oh yeah! I can see it! I mean, your eyes are different and everything, but you're definitely… EY, GRENO, GUYS! COME OUT HERE! WE GOT PUNZIE'S COUSIN VISITING!" Vladimir said, his grimace breaking into a wide smile as he clapped a giant hand over Anna's tiny shoulder.

"What? No way?"

"Punzie's cousin? Lemme see!"

"She like karaoke too?"

A wide cast of ruffians and thugs literally poured out from the Duckling, and Anna was surprised to see herself in a sea of warm, although incomplete, smiles.

"Um yes, way. Yup, we're related. And I love karaoke!" Anna said, clapping her hands together.

"Well that's what we like to hear! C'mon inside while Greno sets up the machine!" A swarthy man with a hook for a hand said, and maybe it was just the whole surreal nature of the entire situation, but Anna gladly let herself be led inside of the Duckling.

"Oh, sorry about the bike. It really was an accident, honest." Anna said, looking a bit sad as she spoke with Vladimir. The giant just waved it off and smiled back.

"Hey, it happens. You quit worrying about it and warm up your pipes. I'm gonna tell ya now, Big Nose's loves singing his duets!" Vladimir smiled, following Anna inside of the building.

As the procession of toughs finally left him alone, Eugene let out a relieved sigh as the thugs ushered Anna into the bar. His relief was short-lived though, as Vladimir poked his head out and gave him a menacing look.

"Don't think I've forgotten what you did to my bike, Rider. We're gonna be having words about you 'paying for it' later." Vladimir said, chuckling darkly as happy pop music began to pour out from the Duckling's speakers and Anna's voice began to sing.

"Perfect… juuuust perfect." Eugene muttered.


	9. The Robot, The Cyborg, And The Duckling

"YOU LET ANNA INTO THE SNUGGLY DUCKLING?!" Rapunzel yelled, bolting upright from the cafe seat.

"Rapunzel, you're missing the point here. I owe Vlad four hundred dollars for a new paint job for his bike. Stay on the same page, Blondie!" Eugene said, trying to keep all the mugs and creamers from tipping over. Unfortunately, Rapunzel wasn't in the mood to listen to his problems and just glossed over Eugene's small details.

"Besides, I thought those guys were your best friends or something." Eugene grumbled.

"Well of course they're MY friends, Eugene! I can handle myself, and they respect that." Rapunzel said, plopping back on her chair and crossing her arms, a somewhat smug expression on her face. But her smirk turned into a look of concern as she remembered she was talking about her cousin.

"But Anna can't go into places like the Duckling! She's too weak to handle herself out there! What would her parents think?!" Rapunzel said, casting a hand out to emphasize 'out there'. Eugene weighed the pros and cons of pointing out the hypocrisy of Rapunzel's statement.

"She's not like you or me, 'Rider'…" Rapunzel went on, and Eugene had to quirk an eyebrow, wondering exactly when his girlfriend would run out of steam on this topic. "... bringing her to places full of ruffians… and… and thugs… and…" Rapunzel's mouth stopped mid-sentence and Eugene was glad that his intuition about her rapidly changing moods was right.

"… and MISFITS! MISFITS, EUGENE!" Rapunzel said, jumping up from her seat again. This time Eugene wasn't quick enough to catch the mugs and he had to skid his seat back before hot coffee spilled on his lap.

"Whoa, hey, watch it, Blondie!" Eugene said, trying not to get anything on his pants.

"Oh, I am gonna watch it, Eugene, trust me." Rapunzel said in a low voice as putting her hands on Eugene's shoulders, happy and manic at the same time. Before Eugene could ask about the crazy look in her eye, she pushed off and made her way to where they parked.

"C'mon Eugene, I'll tell you about it in the car!" She said, almost skipping over the sidewalk. Eugene sighed and scratched his head. So much for getting Rapunzel to help out with his money problems.

He put his hands in his pocket and prepared himself for the inevitable rapid-fire explanation of Rapunzel's scheme when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Excuse me, sir. Your tab." The barista said, handing Eugene a receipt.

Eugene had to fight not to gnash his teeth together as he fished for the last bills in his pocket.

Later That Day:

"Rapunzel, I've gone along for long enough. We're half an hour away from home and I still haven't played my placement matches for the season. Can you at least tell me where we're going?" Elsa groused, opening the door to Eugene's car as they parked in the seedier side of town.

"You'll get your platinum stepping stone later, Elsa. C'mon, I promise, this'll be FUN!" Rapunzel just said, pushing Elsa out of her seat.

"Yes, yes, what other buzzwords do you want to throw out, Rapunzel?" Elsa said, standing on the sidewalk. Looking around, this seemed like one of the places that reminded her why she was a shut in. Cracked neon and shuffling drunks were all about in this part of the city. She saw one short, bearded hobo obviously in the throes of intoxication making out with a fire hydrant across the street.

"Are you sure about this place, Rapunzel? I already have enough to talk about with my therapist…" Elsa said, watching a lady wearing nothing but red walk right past her. She looked at Eugene for support, but the man just shrugged and started making his way down the sidewalk. Eugene didn't want anything to do with Rapunzel's crazy plan for Elsa to open up. Hopefully the girls would have enough on their hands that he could spend the rest of the night without being harassed.

"Ha ha ha, am I sure? Listen, there were two things that helped me get over my robot problem, Elsa. Eugene was one of them, and this place…" Rapunzel said, dragging Elsa right in front of the pub's signage. "… was the other one! It'll do you loads of good!" Somehow, Rapunzel's hyper grin did very little to ease Elsa's apprehension.

"Well… I do like ducklings?" Elsa said, not really sure what to make of the name. Maybe it was a café or something, Elsa thought as she stepped inside. The area seemed out of place for such a…

Elsa's inner monologue went to a full stop as her eyes adjusted to the dim light of the Duckling taproom.

Bikers.

BIKERS.

EVERYWHERE.

And they were all looking at her.

A giant, greasy looking man was holding Eugene by the scruff of his neck, though the pair seemed to pause to stare right back at Elsa. Every corner that Elsa's eyes fell on was more and more of the same. Tattoos, leather, piercings and other, less savory things. Elsa could have sworn that she saw a man playing with rats off to the corner.

And not to mention the smell. It was like a pottage of everything that was the opposite of Anna. Overall, the whole place smelled like the color brown.

The entire bar seemed like it was growling in unison at her, and she saw that a few of the thugs were getting up from their seats.

'No… no… not like this… I know that I would never lose my virginity to Anna, but please, God, not like this!' Elsa bleated in her mind, trying to step back, only to find herself bumping into Rapunzel.

"Hey guys! This is the girl I was talking about! You guys have everything ready for her?" Rapunzel chirped as she put her hands on Elsa's shoulders. It was all Elsa could do to process that Rapunzel was actually talking to the assembled rogues, horrified that Rapunzel somehow knew these freaks.

"Oh, we are definitely ready..." a bald guy WITH A HOOK FOR A HAND said, and Elsa could feel her bladder loosening as the man stood up from his stool with his eyes trained on the two young women.

Elsa prayed that it would at least be a fast end. Hopefully, there would be some special corner in hell for Rapunzel for setting her up with whatever horrible fate would befall on her tonight.

The menacing hook hand stalked up to her, drawing something from behind him.

Elsa mentally prepared herself for what was coming as the thug brought out…

… a microphone?

"So yer Anna's big sis, huh? Glad you could make it out fer karaoke!" Hookhand said, and Elsa fought not to faint right there and then.

"A..anna? Karaoke?" Elsa parroted, looking at the microphone in her hand like it was some alien artifact.

"Haha, yeah! That little sister o yers sure sings a mean Journey. She gives Punzie there a run for her money!" Hookhand laughed and her cousin joined in. Rapunzel let go of Elsa and drew Hookhand in for a warm hug, and more of Elsa's world spun.

"So how about it, kid? Your sister wouldn't stop yappin about how great ya were. I'm sure a little bit of the jukebox won't be past the 'Best Big Sis In The World' right?" Hookhand said, and Rapunzel nodded, happy smiles on their faces as they looked to Elsa.

It was all too much for Elsa to take. Her eyes began to tear up and she threw the microphone to the ground, causing a burst of feedback in the Duckling.

"Karaoke and my sister thrown in my face, huh Rapunzel? That's what you're bringing out to fix me?" Elsa spat out, tears stinging her eyes as Rapunzel's smile was quickly wiped off her face. "Well, I'm sorry, but it's not FUCKING ENOUGH."

"Elsa, no, please wait!" Rapunzel said, trying to reach out to Elsa but the older girl had already turned away and slammed the door.

Her feet were tired.

"Elsa."

It was too hot.

"Elsa!"

She wished she was back in her room.

"ELSA!"

She felt a hand grab at her wrist. The hold didn't hurt, but it was firm. Elsa didn't need to turn around to know who it was.

"Go back to Rapunzel, Eugene." She said icily, trying to tug her hand away.

"She's just trying to help, Elsa!" Eugene said, trying to keep up the pace.

"I don't WANT her help!" Elsa screamed, and instantly she felt her throat go hoarse. She wasn't used to the volume.

"At least she's TRYING, Elsa! Or maybe you've forgotten what that's like?" Eugene said.

"What makes you think you understand? You're just a normalfag!" Elsa said, her voice reedy as she tried again to free herself from Eugene's grip.

"I understand plenty!" Eugene said with a tone of anger that Elsa had never heard from the usually sarcastic and glib man. She felt herself being pulled back, and turned around to look straight into Eugene's scowl.

"Normalfag, normalfag, normalfag. You two just throw that word around like it even MEANS anything! Well maybe I CAN get that feeling or whatever it is you two keep whispering about! So you went a few years without your sister right next to you, huh? Why don't you try EIGHTEEN without a single person to turn to?" Eugene said, not yelling, but matching the turmoil that Elsa felt in her own heart.

"You think you're alone? Try being ONE kid in an orphanage dorm filled with nineteen empty bunks and just some shitty paperbacks to read because nobody wanted a kid with 'a history' or didn't want you because you're fucking 'too old'." Eugene said, his eyes smoldering, and Elsa could feel the untapped heat underneath Eugene's glare.

"You don't even know what Rapunzel's been through, do you? Look at you, Elsa. Your parents loved you, Anna loved you, and from what I hear, up until college, you weren't even that fucked up either." Eugene said throwing Elsa's hand down in disgust. "Maybe if you had a childhood like mine or Rapunzel's, I'd have some sympathy for you. Maybe if you were a monster or something, I'd give you a pass. But you're just a selfish robot wallowing in self-pity."

Elsa stood there, shocked as the words spilled out of Eugene's mouth, each syllable cutting deeper and deeper into her already fractured soul.

"Did you 'feel' that, Elsa? I hope I used the word right." Eugene said, turning his heel and walking away from the broken girl. And break she did.

The pain in her voice forgotten, Elsa let out a shriek and launched herself at Eugene's back, clawing and tearing at his hair.

Eugene was surprised, but it was hardly the first time he'd been caught off-guard and getting attacked by a hellkite. Elsa managed to give him a few scratches on his cheek and pull out some of his hair, but soon enough Eugene held Elsa's wrists tight, the girl only weakly struggling as tears and sobs replaced the anger and acid.

"Shut up… shut up… I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I'm like this. I don't know why I feel this way. It's not my fault. It's not my fault. It's not…" Elsa said, though her mouth opened wide to shout, only hoarse whispers coming out.

Eugene felt like he'd been sighing too much lately in the past few days. Gently, he lowered Elsa's arms and slipped his own around the girl, hugging her tightly as her shaking sobs quieted and grew still.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry was even born… I'm not even a real person." Elsa managed to choke out, no longer caring about harming Eugene and thoroughly drenching his clothes as she buried her face in his shoulder.

"Nah… you seem plenty real to me." Eugene said, holding Elsa as she finally stopped crying and just let herself be held.

"I don't want to be this way, Eugene. I just want to be fixed." Elsa whispered, though whether she was whispering because of the weight of her words or the pain in her throat, she didn't really know. Eugene loosened his embrace and nodded.

"Yeah, I don't think people can be fixed, Els. Everybody's pretty broken one way or another. I think that's just how we come out." Eugene said, smirking, but it didn't have the usual vigor behind it.

"Anna thinks I can be. Rapunzel too." Elsa said, and she couldn't help but letting a sad smile slip through as well.

"Well, those two aren't exactly rocket scientists. Well actually, I read a few of the books that Rapunzel has lying around so maybe… ugh, whatever. They don't act like rocket scientists." Eugene said and threw up his hands. Again, in spite of herself, Elsa let out a choked laugh.

"I'm sorry, Eugene." Elsa said, lowering her gaze to the sidewalk.

"Nothing to be sorry about. I would have clawed out my eyes too if I said any of that garbage." Eugene shrugged, smirking again. He let that mask slide a bit and talked honestly with Elsa. "Listen. I got carried away back there. You might not have had a really dark past like me or Rapunzel, but that doesn't mean that I get to talk shit about what goes on in head. I mean, I still don't really get what goes in mine, so I shouldn't be the one talking about not understanding."

Elsa tried to say something, and she wasn't even sure what she did want to say, but the toil of the night and the emotional roller-coaster finally caught up with her and all she could manage was a little cough.

"And that's my cue to take you back to your sunny, loving, IMPULSIVE cousin so she can shower you with apologies and we can let this pity party roll on past dawn." Eugene laughed, throwing his arm around Elsa's shoulder. "Well, only if you want to, I mean." He said as an afterthought, stopping his stride.

Elsa just gave a win smile and nodded, taking a step back towards the Snuggly Duckling and Eugene broke into a wide grin.

"That's the spirit! You know, this reminds me a lot when I first met Rapunzel. Now if you want to talk about a girl being a downer, you should have seen her…" Eugene said, and he launched into a story as the pair shuffled back to where they once came from.


	10. Of Warm Chili

"ELSHA! I'M SHO SHORRY!" Rapunzel bawled, slurring heavily as she clung to Elsa and blubbered. The lisp that Rapunzel had was magnified to epic proportions thanks to the many, many empty mugs surrounding her, and Elsa wondered just how long her flight and Eugene's talk lasted.

"She got into the taps. When Punzie's motivated, she really is motivated." The bartender sighed, clearing some of the mugs around Rapunzel while Elsa was trapped in the bear hug.

"I'm the worsht coushin ever! EVER!" Rapunzel said, using Elsa more as a support now, her hips knocking over a stein as she swiveled in her chair.

"You're sho mad you won't even shpeak to me!" Rapunzel lamented, crying into Elsa's shirt before Eugene finally pulled her away and set her straight.

"Blondie, Elsa just lost her voice." Eugene said, trying to keep Rapunzel from falling off her chair.

"R… really?" Rapunzel said blearily, looking to Elsa. She smiled and nodded, patting at her throat. Rapunzel wobbled in her direction for a few seconds before giving a delayed look of understanding.

"Bu… bu… but I'm shtill the worsht!" Rapunzel said, her eyes welling with tears again.

Elsa tried to say something to comfort the girl but could only produce a hissing sound. With Rapunzel's eruption imminent, Elsa did the only thing she could think of in the situation.

She drew in Rapunzel for a hug.

Even in her drunken haze, Rapunzel's eyes widened in shock at Elsa's sudden openness. She could only count the number of times this had happened on one hand, and that number had most definitely doubled.

"Y… YOU… ARE… THE BESHT… BIG… SHISHTER… E… E… EVERRRRRURRHUHRUR!" Rapunzel wept, and while it had the opposite effect of making Rapunzel stop crying, Elsa didn't mind where it led to. She held Rapunzel tight. Eventually, Rapunzel calmed down enough that she was back to being just drunk rather than an emotional wreck.

"Elsha. You are shoooo great, I'm gonna shing you a shong." Rapunzel announced, and the rest of the Duckling cheered as Rapunzel stumbled on to the stage, using the microphone stand like a crutch. Elsa tried to mime that Rapunzel didn't have to, but it all just looked like encouragement to Rapunzel's blurred vision.

Soon, Rapunzel was belting out a drunken rendition of some Mandy Moore song, and Elsa was surprised and impressed that Rapunzel was doing so well even if she was three sheets to the wind. She turned to see if Eugene was enjoying his girlfriend's performance, but it seemed like he was in a deep conversation with the giant man again.

With nothing to do and no one to talk to, Elsa went to her default mode when out in a social setting.

She sat there and did nothing.

While her talk with Eugene did sober her a bit from thinking about deeper sources of despair, familiar old complaints started bubbling up inside her. The music was too loud, the place smelled funny, her feet were tired, so on and so forth.

It wasn't until she heard the clatter of dishware on the counter in front of her that Elsa was brought back to earth from her musings. She stared at a steaming bowl of brown slop.

"A lot on your mind, kid?" The hookhanded man slid in to the seat that Rapunzel had occupied, his replacement appendage expertly balancing a mug of beer.

Elsa wanted to look away, but she'd already acknowledged his presence. She stared in his general direction, but tried not to make eye contact.

"Yer a lot different than what I thought you'd be like, hearing about you from Anna. Punzie filled us in on some of the other stuff, but I gotta admit I didn't expect you to be as bad off as her when she first came round." Hookhand said, pointing with his good arm at Rapunzel, who was busy performing a riveting air guitar solo.

"Now Punzie! Punzie was a mess! Came in here, half ready to bolt, jumpin at every little thing… not that I can blame her, after all." Hookhand chuckled. Elsa still didn't really know how to act and just kept staring through the man.

"Quiet aren'tcha?" Hookhand laughed again, and Elsa could already feel the blush in her cheeks. She knew she wasn't the type to talk, at all, and she hated whenever anybody pointed that fact out. She patted at her throat again and coughed, hoping that her point came across.

"Nah, I know about yer voicebox, kid. But I figured yer just the type to be quiet too." Hookhand said. He nudged the chili closer to Elsa. "Eat it. One bite even. It's got a helluva kick goin' down, but it'll be good for yer voice come tomorrow."

Elsa looked down at the bubbling orange goo and back again to Hookhand. The thug had already finished his drink and pounded the glass on the counter, burping and standing back up.

"That one's on me, kid. The rest of Punzie's drinks, too. Looks like she needed to cut loose tonight." Hookhand said, putting his arms akimbo as Rapunzel was singing a power ballad dedicated to Eugene.

"And kid?" Hookhand said, looking Elsa straight in the eye. "So what if yer a little bit quiet? I'm sure that just makes the people that do listen to ya pay more attention, right?" he said before he left to join one of the rowdier tables.

Elsa was left with her thoughts and her chili. What the man said wasn't anything new to her. Anna, Rapunzel, even Eugene, they did listen to her, and she was grateful for that. Would she always be the one running away, only to be reminded about how much they cared whenever she looked over her shoulder to see them running after her?

Would she ever feel as if she deserved it?

She tried a spoonful of the chili.

It was painful, but it was warm.


	11. Crack is a Hell of a Drug

"Elsa hasn't been online in a week, Eugene. It's really weird!" Rapunzel huffed, once again finding herself at the coffee shop with a rather worn-down looking Eugene.

"And Anna… Anna's been weird too. She hasn't called or texted me in… Eugene, are you even listening?" Rapunzel said, moving the cup that was blocking Eugene's face. Eugene only snored in response, his cheek taking on the imprint of the iron table screen.

"Eugene!" Rapunzel whined, shoving the table to wake up her boyfriend.

"Whu? Izza Earthquake?!" Eugene mumbled, scrambling and looking around in a daze before focusing on Rapunzel's pouting face.

"Sorry. It's just me." Rapunzel said, crossing her arms. Eugene sighed, rubbing his eyes and sitting up straighter. "Am I boring you, Eugene?"

"Honestly, a bit, goldie. Why do we have to keep talking about those two, anyway?" Eugene yawned, but Rapunzel could hear the irritation in his voice.

"Why? Why? Isn't it obvious, Eugene?" Rapunzel began, but she only drew a blank look from the man. "Well, if you must know, it's because…" Rapunzel said, pausing a bit as she tried thinking up of a reason. "It's… it's because… oh god… why do I talk about them too much?" her voice quavered with realization.

Eugene's annoyed stare switched to a look of confusion as dark clouds began to form over Rapunzel's usually sunny face.

"All last week… and the week before that. My life revolves around them!" Rapunzel moaned, burying her face in her palms.

"Whoa, calm down, blondie. I was just saying that…" Eugene began, but Rapunzel cut him off again with another wailing proclamation.

"It's just Elsa… and Anna. Elsa and Anna. Elsa and Anna. All the thoughts running through my head. Elsa and Anna! ElsaandAnna! ELSANDANNA! ELSANNA!" Rapunzel said, reaching across the table and clutching at Eugene's wrists.

"Okay, so maybe you've been a little bit concerned about…" Eugene tried to say, but it was impossible to get a word in edgewise as Rapunzel continued her manic rant.

"I've… I've been drawing them, Eugene. At first it was just to make sure Anna wouldn't get too suspicious about me telling her I make art out of the both of them. A bust of Elsa here, a silhouette of Anna there. Some of them a little risqué, some of them all… all sketchy and in grey tones like Elsa does." Rapunzel said in rapid fire, only pausing to bite her knuckle as more and more memories came pouring through. Even Eugene started to realize just how far things were escalating as Rapunzel's chest began to rise and fall swiftly, taking in short but deep breaths.

"But then I… I start putting them in costumes in my drawings! I made Elsa Superman and Anna Lois Lane! And I made Elsa into a crossdresser! And… and I put Elsa on the Iron Throne and Anna was just around her naked. Elsa saving Anna from Smaug! And I had this weird one with swirls and Elsa hypnotizing… And… and oh god… my theories…" Rapunzel's voice shrank as she drew back from clutching at Eugene's sleeves.

"The theories. Right before I go to bed. Whenever I see the both of them. I just analyze everything! When they say chocolate at the same time. When they look at each other for more than a second. When they hug! WHENEVER THEY BARELY TOUCH EACH OTHER!" Rapunzel said, and it was starting to border outright shouting as other patrons began to steal quick glances and mumble to themselves.

"I get it Rapunzel. Let's you and me take this…" Eugene said, trying to soothe Rapunzel away, but the petite girl just stood up from her seat in a jolt.

"I'M SHIPPING THEM, EUGENE! I AM A DIRTY, ROTTEN, DA-TRAWLING, FANFIC WRITING, HEADCANON MAKING SHIPPER!" She screamed, her hands grabbing hold of fistfuls of Eugene's hair as she bawled. Eugene could only sit back, his hands gripping the armrests for dear life as Rapunzel had her meltdown.

"Okay. Whew, glad I got that out of my system." Rapunzel said, standing up straight amidst the shocked café patrons and her speechless boyfriend.

"Hmm… actually, nope. Not at all. Eugene, I'm going to faint now. Try to catch me, alright?" Rapunzel said, smiling sweetly.

"Wait, are you seri…" Eugene said carefully, before Rapunzel swooned and fell forward. Only years of living on his toes gave Eugene the reflexes to catch the girl. Eugene leapt up, looping his arm around Rapunzel's waist and turning her just in time before her head hit the pavement, and he held her like a ballroom dancer caught in dipping his partner. There was actually a small smattering of applause from the audience as Eugene gave a small smile and scooped up Rapunzel in his arms.

"Well, that was some meltdown…" Eugene thought "… but what do boats have to do with Anna and Elsa?"


	12. The Ride Never Ends

Rapunzel stared at the computer from her bed.

After her breakdown with Eugene, the monitor was like some kind of alien lizard just glaring back at her in her room.

It was hard enough to reconcile the fact that Elsa was harboring feelings for her sister. Now Rapunzel was being infected with weird incest fantasies about her cousins as well. She wondered if that just meant she was impressionable or if she really was more machine than man. Woman. Whatever. The point was that the computer was a portal to evil places that warped her mind, and she was dying for just a taste of it.

Talking to Elsa didn't help much. The older girl was apparently dealing with another bout of paralyzing depression and self-loathing, and as much as Rapunzel hated the way she was feeling at the moment, she knew that going to Elsa for advice about incest was a terrible idea.

Anna was in a similar spot too. While Rapunzel lamented the newly realized shallowness of their relationship, she still liked hanging around her cousin. If she didn't think about how vapid and hollow their normalfag activities were, shopping and gossip was actually enjoyable. But now a cloud hung over Anna as well, and Rapunzel sometimes couldn't tell the difference between the two sisters with the way they both acted.

And Eugene? Well, Eugene probably needed some breathing room right now. Rapunzel knew nothing would keep the two of them apart for very long, but she completely understood her boyfriend's need to disappear for a while. She really did need to sort things through, after all.

So that left Rapunzel alone.

With her computer.

The computer that lead to the internet.

The wonderful, wonderful internet, filled with her online friends, funny videos, and media that went on forever.

The terrible, terrible internet, filled with trolls and robots, feels threads, and faggotry.

Rapunzel looked around the room, trying to find something else that might have occupied her attention.

Chess? No, Pascal needed to stay in the terrarium away from the cold.

Pottery? All her clay was out in the shed, frozen into blocks.

Practice the guitar? She broke the strings strumming too hard on open-mic at The Snuggly Duckling.

Knitting? She was already doing that. Knit one, purl two. Nervous, nervous fingers.

Paper mache? Too cold again.

Cooking? Maybe baking? She didn't have much of an appetite.

Sew a dress? Too dangerous. All her favorite patterns were on Pinterest.

Candle Making? She didn't have enough wax. She never had enough wax.

Ballet? She didn't need to make a racket upstairs. Her parents would worry about her having a relapse. Maybe they should have been.

Stretch? Take a climb? That would be more idiotic than the ballet idea.

Sketching? Painting? She was afraid of what she might make considering where her mind wandered to nowadays.

Ventriloquy? No, Pascal said that she shouldn't be playing with pretend friends.

Read a book? Rapunzel looked at the textbooks around her room. Geometry. Botany. Astronomy. Geology. Wow, those were just depressing, and they reminded her of how much of a nerd she was.

Brush her hair? Hah.

Finally, Rapunzel spied a little Velcro dart ball set hidden underneath her dresser.

"It couldn't hurt, right Pascal?" Rapunzel whispered to her chameleon. Her chameleon just went on doing what it was doing.

Rapunzel crawled out of bed and pulled the little dart set out. It still had all its parts. It wasn't the best of distractions, to be sure, but at least she finally had one. She smiled and hung the target mat up on the wall.

She held one of the Velcro balls in her hand, setting the rest on to her bed. She wound up and pitched the ball as hard as she could. The fuzzy target mat couldn't handle the force and the ball ricocheted off and hurtled towards Rapunzel.

"Eep!" she cried, ducking just in time, but wincing as she heard the sound of falling objects behind her.

Rapunzel grimaced, dreading what she would find when she turned around. She didn't have many breakables in her room, but if Pascal's tank broke or if one of her ceramics shattered, she found herself recalling why she didn't play with the dart game anymore.

But Rapunzel was about to find out exactly how bad of an idea the dart ball was.

It stared at her. Silent. Monolithic. Yellow.

Rapunzel's eyes grew wide as she found herself caught in the familiar, warm glow.

The familiar clover symbol. The table of boards. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the ball rolling to a stop next to her overturned mouse, but she was already lost.

In a daze, she took a few faltering steps towards the computer. She tossed the ball over her shoulder and righted her mouse.

A tiny voice inside her head wailed feebly for her to stop. For her to just turn away. Eugene was only a phone call away. Anna wasn't that depressing, she could still go out for a movie or something. Even minimizing the screen to play WoW would be a terrible compromise! Anything but this!

But it was already too late.

Her eyes were drawn to the popular threads tab.

She had a feeling that it was there.

It was just an inkling, a small call of intuition.

But she already knew what she was in store for as soon as she saw the familiar three characters so neatly spelling her doom.

_Latest Posts_

_Random_

_tfw kissing cousins_

Rapunzel never had a chance.

A crooked smile crept up on her face as she basked in the warm glow of her old home. It was a different board, but the words were still the same. The feels were still there. She shifted and sat on her crossed legs. She could feel herself getting cozier and cozier by the second. Her fingers were glued to the scroll wheel and the refresh key. Her mind was nothing but static and greentext.

...

...

...

Somewhere, far away, a baby was crying in a hospital.

A three legged dog ran around deserted Chernobyl.

Someone was winning another episode of Iron Chef.

A new piece of legislature banned the overfishing of certain types of tuna and bycatch.

And in her little corner of the world, Rapunzel had found a wincest thread...


	13. The Bjorg Chapter

"Rapunzel?"

Elsa knocked softly on her cousin's door, waiting for a response. The only thing that greeted her was the hiss of speakers and a certain shuffling sound that she wished she wasn't so well acquainted with. Luckily for her, it seemed like Rapunzel didn't share her philosophy of locking doors.

The stench hit her like a wall, and made Elsa realize that the situation was worse than she thought. Elsa wondered if this is what it was like whenever anyone had to come for her during her longer periods of antisocial behavior. If you replace the smell of lutefisk and ramen with stale microwave pies and hazelnuts, Elsa could have sworn that she was stepping into her own room.

"Oh no…" Elsa whispered as she finally found Rapunzel in the dark recesses of the modern tomb.

Rapunzel's hair was longer. Much longer than Elsa had last seen it. And all around her were the wrappers of fruit pies that would have made Bobby Hill cringe. But worst of all was what Elsa saw playing on the blinking monitor in front of Rapunzel.

"Tomoko… oh u." Rapunzel giggled hoarsely. Elsa could hear… she could HEAR the internet shorthand in Rapunzel's voice.

"Watamote" Elsa said in disgust.

The show danced like a shimmering mirage in front of Rapunzel, and Elsa could see the Pocky stick slowly disappearing between her lips. This wasn't just a bad situation. It was a few shades from rock bottom.

"Quit spilling your spaghetti, Tomoko. Oh, you're so silly…" Rapunzel went on, completely oblivious to Elsa's presence in the room. Elsa could feel her stomach turn and the bile rising in her throat. Eugene was right to call her. And she finally understood why her aunt looked so relieved when Elsa said she was her to see her cousin.

Elsa was galvanized. Rapunzel had done so much for her in the past. Well, maybe ATTEMPTED would be a more accurate word, but Elsa appreciated Rapunzel's efforts and always knew that her cousin had her heart in the right place. It was time for her to return the favor.

"Rapunzel, what the fuck are you doing?" Elsa spat, flicking the lights on with as much force as she could.

Rapunzel turned at once and Elsa could have sworn that she hissed as she recoiled from the sudden flooding of light into her room. Rapunzel's dead eyes seemed to soften and a creepy smile swept over her face as she the glare ebbed away and she saw Elsa's form against the light.

"Ooooooohhh… heeeeeey Elsie." Rapunzel rasped, the Pocky stick still hanging on her lip by a gooey chocolate smear.

"Rapunzel! What the hell happened to you?" Elsa said, kneeling down to Rapunzel's level to snatch the biscuit stick and toss it into a pile of pie wrappers.

"Oh, you know. Life. Stuff. Hey, have you SEEN this anime? Wow, I can't believe all the stuff I've been missing while I was pretending to be a normalfag, Elsie!" Rapunzel said in a daze, smiling up at Elsa. From the corner of her eye, Elsa could see Rapunzel's hand flopping around uselessly trying to reach for a new Pocky stick. She swatted the box away before Rapunzel could reach for a new one.

"Hey." Rapunzel said, but not really putting any fight into her words.

"Get a grip, Rapunzel! You look terrible!" Elsa said, gripping Rapunzel's shoulders. The other girl just shivered and rested her cheek on one of Elsa's hands.

"And you look grrrrreeat! Have you been working out?" Rapunzel mused out loud, her own fingers floating up to poke at Elsa's bicep. Elsa forcefully realized that this is what it must feel like to be on the receiving end of a spaghetti geyser.

"Th-that's not important! What happened to you, Rapunzel?!" Elsa said, shifting so that Rapunzel's pinching fingers slid off her arm. Rapunzel shrugged, leaning back on to the foot of her bed as her eyes were drawn back to the screen of her laptop.

"Oh, you know, the real world. Depression. Feeeeeeels." Rapunzel said, her head still rolling about as if her neck had no bones.

"Feels? What are you talking about, Rapunzel? 4chan never hit you this bad before! You were browsing and doing normal stuff all the time!" Elsa said, closing the laptop as she saw Rapunzel's attention wane.

"Oh Elsie Elsie Elsie Elsie… you were never there MY the bad times." Rapunzel said, her brow furrowing and her smile taking on a sad twinge. "I mean, yeah, for a while there I was all 'I WILL FIGHT' but it's soooooo hard to fight being the robot." An insane gleam shined in Rapunzel's eyes as she smiled, sitting up. "Heeeey! This is soooo awesome! We can be robots together again!"

"Rapunzel, no. This isn't healthy. Look at yourself." Elsa said, trying to snap Rapunzel out of her stupor.

"Look at myself? Are you jelly of how comfy I am, Elsa?" Rapunzel said, looking down at her stained pajamas.

"Jealous? What, no. Rapunzel, you have to snap out of it. 4chan is poison and…" Elsa began, but Rapunzel butted in.

"Poison? No way! I've been redpilling all week, Elsa! I was such a fool, trying to get you to change. But at last, I see the light…" Rapunzel said, and Elsa could feel her skin crawling as her cousin's smile grew wider again.

"… the light of WINCEST!" Rapunzel croaked, halfway between a laugh and a whine.

Elsa felt her world spin when she heard the words slip from Rapunzel's mouth.

"I was on the fence for such a long time about you and Anna! But you guys have such pure rabu rabu, I was blind!" Rapunzel said, and it was her turn to put her hands on Elsa's shoulders.

"You guys… fighting against this stupid, fucking society. Love between the two of you, nobody should say anything about that. Anna is your WAIFU! That's SACRED!" Rapunzel wheezed.

"Rapunzel, stop it. Y… you're…" Elsa said, trying to grasp for the right words.

"You guys can talk in chav accents! Oi bruv, oops, I mean, sis. Eht mah moof! ELSANNA IS BEST SHIP!" Rapunzel said, and Elsa could feel her press her body closer.

"…" Elsa was speechless at the lewd display, and felt her strength being sapped away by pure disgust.

"Oh… heeeeey! I'm related to you guys too! LET'S MAKE A THREECEST! A ROBOT SANDWICH!" Rapunzel said in a manic voice, and Elsa could feel Rapunzel grind her chest against her and start to swing her legs around. Enough was enough!

"YOU'VE HAD A COCK IN YOUR MOUTH YOU FUCKING NORMALFAG!" Elsa said in as serious a voice as she could muster. Rapunzel went rigid in shock and her advances stopped at Elsa's outburst. And that was all Elsa needed as she pressed on.

"You've been kissed! You've been hugged! You're not a virgin! You've HELD HANDS!" Elsa said in rapid succession, feeling Rapunzel's hands slip away from her and the other girl's body drawing back as if burned.

"Elsa… what…" Rapunzel mumbled, her eyes looking as if they were finally clearing.

"Rapunzel, you were part of the Thanksgiving table that asked if I had a boyfriend! You're THAT GIRL!" Elsa said, feeling relief as she saw the realizations hit home.

"Have you seen your boyfriend? You're so normal you fell for that PUA mindgames neging piece of shit peacock!" Elsa said. Inwardly, she wondered if it was a bad thing that she was taking pleasure from saying all these things, but she snapped back to the task at hand.

Rapunzel shook her head, and Elsa could feel that she was almost all the way back. It was time for the knockout punch.

"RAPUNZEL, GRILLS CAN'T BE ROBOTS!" Elsa yelled, shaking Rapunzel as the tables turned.

Rapunzel could hear glass breaking, somewhere far off. It was as if she was looking around for the first time in years at her room. What had she been doing? How could she have let things go so far? Already she could feel the nasty sensation of ignoring cleanliness and already she was horrified at how long she had spent inside with only the computer for company! And poor Eugene! All of it came rushing back at once and finally she saw Elsa.

"E… elsa? What happened…" Rapunzel said, shaking her head.

"I just saved you from turning into a flying spaghetti monster, that's all." Elsa laughed, hugging Rapunzel tight.

"Oh… thank you… I…" Rapunzel said, almost getting out the whole sentence before the gravity of the situation and 5 pounds of fruit pies caught up with her.

On Elsa's part, she only screamed a little bit when the pie-scented vomit dribbled down her back.


	14. Kristoff Was

"Hellooooo Kristoff." a feminine voice chirped, stressing the Fs in Kristoff's name.

Kristoff almost let out a gasp as Rapunzel surprised him, popping out from behind his open locker door.

"Whoa... shit. Rapunzel. Hey." Kristoff said, taking a second to compose himself. "What's up?"

"Not much... I've just been hearing rumors..." Rapunzel went on in her singsong, closing the door to Kristoff's locker and closing the distance between the two in one step. "I hear you guys were on the outs. Getting rocky. Splitsville!" Rapunzel said, flourishing her hands to emphasize each word.

"Yeah... like a month ago. Shouldn't you go bother some cheerleaders or drama nerds, Rapunzel?" Kristoff said, trying to walk around Rapunzel, but the girl just did an annoying sidestep and blocked his path.

"What makes you think I haven't already for the day, huh?" Rapunzel crossed her arms. "Besides, You still haven't answered my question." She said, poking a finger at Kristoff's admittedly expansive chest.

"We needed space, and she needed to concentrate on other things. You know, for being her best friend, you sure are out of the loop." Kristoff said, and this time Rapunzel felt the sting of accusation.

"I've had... a lot going on in my head, okay?" Rapunzel said, lamely, her hand dropping to her side.

"Yeah, you could say the same for Anna." Kristoff shrugged, and Rapunzel could pick up a hint of annoyance from the zamboni man. It was enough to distract her from her failings as a bestie, at least for now.

"Oh. Is that why you're hanging out with Elsa now? I've been hearing some rumors about you two." Rapunzel said ominously.

"Rumors? Since when did you become such a big gossip, Rapunzel?" Kristoff said, trying to deflect the situation.

"People have seen you guys in the same car together at the parking lot near the oak forest!" Rapunzel said.

"Would these 'people' be Eugene trying to scalp tickets near the hockey rink? That boyfriend of yours needs to get a job." Kristoff said, having enough of the conversation and pushing past Rapunzel.

"Hey, wait, we're not done talking yet!" Rapunzel said, whipping around and grabbing at his arm. Kristoff was surprised at the pulling strength that the diminutive girl seemed to posses. She must be strong enough to stop a horse! Surprise aside, he was getting more irate by the second.

"Look, what Elsa and I do inawoods is none of your business, Rapunzel!" Kristoff said loudly, tugging his arm away. Kristoff hoped that would have been the end of it. The students that were still hanging out at school after class were starting to stare, and he really didn't want Rapunzel prying into any of his business.

"Inawoods." he heard a barely audible whisper.

"You said 'Inawoods'!" Rapunzel said, louder, and Kristoff stopped in his tracks, turning again to face the girl.

"Yeah. In. The. Woods. Let it go, Rapunzel." Kristoff said, and Rapunzel could see that she was on the right track.

"No no no. Elsa was RIGHT about you! I should have listened!" Rapunzel said, breaking into a smile. That was Kristoff's cue to turn around and briskly walk to the exit.

"So which board is it! Oh, I know, big guy like you! /fit/? Wait, /sp/? Maybe /an/? This is crazy!" Rapunzel said, amazing Kristoff at how easily she could switch gears from being annoyingly serious to... whatever this was.

"God, why does it matter? I could be a /b/tard and this still wouldn't be the place to talk about it." Kristoff said, pushing past the double doors in a huff.

"Because it's awesome! I mean, we can't reveal our power levels at school or anything, but we can talk about memes and threads and..." Rapunzel said, listing things off as they walked to the school parking lot, but Kristoff turned and cut her off with a glare.

"Can you just stop, please?" Kristoff growled, throwing his bag on to the pavement and finally turning to face Rapunzel fully.

"Look, you might take all that shit to heart, but Rapunzel, it's just a fucking website. I don't live by the rules of the internet and I don't go around thinking 4chan is love, 4chan is life. Grow up!" Kristoff said, and Rapunzel recoiled at the sudden outpouring.

"You're what's wrong with people on the online. You get... all sick and twisted and you start thinking stuff online is reality. THIS..." Kristoff said, waving his arms around to the world "... IS REALITY!"

Rapunzel stepped back, Kristoff's words burning in her ears. Kristoff took in Rapunzel's scared expression and sighed, turning away and picking up his bag.

"You know, does it really matter why I hang out with Elsa? I promise, we're not doing anything weird." Kristoff spared a second to look back at Rapunzel. "Besides, it wouldn't be any of your business anyway. Just be happy that she's actually starting to be her own person, and not just this cutout of whatever you think a robot should be."

With that, Kristoff stomped off to his car.

Rapunzel wanted to stop him, to tell him that he was insane. She wanted to run right up to the guy and slap him for even suggesting that she didn't want what was best for Elsa. But a little voice in the back of her head kept her back.

A little voice telling her that maybe, just maybe, Kristoff was right...


	15. Of Ham and Cheeto Dust and Mountain Dew

"You know, when you told me that you had somewhere special in mind for us to go to, this wasn't high on my list of possibilities..." Eugene grumbled, poking at a miniature Baneblade tank.

"C'mon, Eugene. This is just a pit stop. I spent an hour with you at that pawnshop the other day." Rapunzel said, flicking through little pots of paint on a display rack. "You owe me." she said, finally picking out a vial of sunburst yellow acrylic.

"I appreciate that you have your hobbies, Goldie, I really do, but what would people think about my reputation if they see me hanging out in..." Eugene said, only to be interrupted by an argument between the hobby store owner and a customer about the merits of Pathfinder and Fourth Edition Dungeons and Dragons. "... a place like this..." he went on, jerking his head towards the nerds debating to prove his point.

"Maybe it'll be an improvement on your image?" Rapunzel joked, picking out another little pot and showing both to Euegene. "So what do you think would look better on my chameleon skinks? Yriel Yellow or Xereus Purple?" she said, holding up the two to Eugene's face.

"Isn't this a better question to ask Elsa?" Eugene deadpanned.

"Pfft, no, she only plays 40k..." Rapunzel scoffed, then looking around conspiratorially, added. "... and I think she just plays the vidya too."

"Oh, gracious. How scandalous." Eugene sniffed with sarcasm, picking up one of the pots and tossing it up in the air.

"I know, right?" Rapunzel said, still looking around for eavesdroppers. Eugene sighed as his perfectly crafted sarcasm fell on deaf ears, putting the paints back in Rapunzel's hands.

"Why not both, then? Who cares?" Eugene said, picking up a box of little green men out of boredom.

"Oh, that's perfect! See, and you said you wouldn't have fun in here!" Rapunzel said giddily.

"Soooo muuuch fuuuunn..." Eugene strained through a tight smile. It was hard to contain his natural snarkiness, but he did make an effort for Rapunzel. Rolling his eyes just at that second made Eugene aware of something in the store, however, and he furrowed his brow.

Everyone was looking at Rapunzel.

Sure some people were pretending to play a goofy looking cartoon game. And others were pretending to be browsing through some comic books. And a little group was off to the corner rolling weird dice. But for all their distractions, Eugene could tell just about everyone in the store, even the few girls, were stealing glances at Rapunzel from behind their paper and cardboard.

"Blondie..." He said, still keeping a wary eye on the rest of the store as he tapped Rapunzel's shoulder.

"Hmm? Yes Eugene?" Rapunzel answered halfheartedly, completely engrossed in a map of the 'Troll Country' in an Orc book.

"Have you... been in this store before?" Eugene asked carefully. He took a step closer towards his girlfriend and nearly flinched at the glare of the fluorescent lights glinting on twenty shifting pairs of glasses.

"Yeah, tons of times. Everybody here is super nice." Rapunzel said, turning to smile at Eugene. As if on cue, suddenly all the geek heads that Eugene noticed turned back to their games.

"Really. Super nice. Huh. Go on." Eugene said, inching closer so that he stood right next to Rapunzel against the sea of basement dwellers.

"Mm hmm. You know, /tg/ really makes these places out to be stink-holes or something, but everyone's always helping me out whenever I visit." Rapunzel beamed, finally giving Eugene her full attention as she put the greenskins book down.

"Do tell." Eugene said, not liking where the story was going.

"Well, they did help me out with my cleric. She's almost on her fourteenth level, you know." Rapunzel said with a haughty air, putting her hands on her hips. She leaned in and whispered. "Though, recently, she's been getting all these visions of the sun, and I think she might be tempted to follow Zarus soon.

"Fascinating, fascinating..." Eugene feigned interest, too busy keeping an eye on a rather large, elegantly dressed gentleman wearing a fedora and a pony shirt entering the store. To his horror, it looked as if he was making a beeline straight towards them.

"LEZNUPAR THE IRREPRESSIBLE!" The greasy man with a bearded neck boomed out, and Eugene was glad to see that other patrons looked visibly annoyed as well. He didn't have much faith in any of these people, but if this was a common occurrence, maybe he really would have to help Rapunzel find a new hobby.

"Hi Richard." Rapunzel smiled and waved, much to Eugene's surprise. He was always aware of his girlfriend's fearlessness when it came to meeting with outsider types, the Snuggly Duckling thugs always coming to mind, but this wasn't the first time he suspected that fearlessness being more akin to cluelessness. Rapunzel was a little vague at times.

"Such a surprise to see you here outside of game night! What brings you to the dungeon this fair afternoon?" 'Richard' said, and Eugene had to stop himself from watching the way his double chin jiggled with every syllable.

"Oh, just looking for some new paints for my lizzies. I'm almost done with the battlebox you guys gave me for my birthday." Rapunzel said, and Eugene was having a hard time believing that she was just carrying on this exchange so... easily. Also he had to file away the disturbing gift conversation for later.

"I see, I see. I had hoped you would end your fascination with toy soldiers by now, but what can a game master do but nourish the flights of fancies of his players?" He laughed. Finally, as if noticing Eugene for the first time, Richard's beady eyes knit in confusion. "And who are you, my fine fellow? The siblingspawn of our courageous cleric, no doubt?"

"Oh, no. This is Eugene..." Rapunzel began to say, and it felt like the air in the whole store began to freeze on contact with her words. Even Eugene could feel time slow down as he knew the words that would come out of Rapunzel's mouth. "... my..." Everyone in the room hung on her next word, hoping against hope that the next word would be anything, **anything **other than what they KNEW would come.

"... booooyyyyyyffffrrriiiiieeeeennnnndddddddddd..."

Eugene never wanted to see what a roomful of hearts breaking simultaneously looked like. He felt the residual pain of all the nerds getting friendzoned at that instant and, pride aside, he wished that Rapunzel could have read the situation better. To his credit, Eugene had to admit that Richard took the news surprisingly well. The dungeon master only shook a little bit and only sweated maaaaybbeee an extra gallon instead of the seven that Eugene would have bet on. Rapunzel seemed oblivious, however, and continued on with her introductions.

"Eugene, this is Richard. He runs the D&D game that I was telling you about." Rapunzel said, taking Eugene's arm and practically shoving him in front of her towards Richard. Eugene could hear the man mumble something close to p-pleasure and suddenly there was a hand thrust in between them.

Eugene shot Rapunzel a look that screamed _you're killing me_ but he just grit his teeth and shook Richard's greasy, suspiciously orange hands.

"S... so. It would seem you have captured blessed Rapunzel's attentions... Eugene, was it?" Richard stuttered, and Eugene could only nod, not wanting to make any sudden movements while the man still had his hand in his grip.

"T... treat her well. A b... beauteous flower such as she _deserves_ to be treated with the utmost devotion." Richard went on, squeezing Eugene's hand tightly as he stressed the word and letting it go just as quickly.

Eugene didn't know whether to be offended or to laugh his way out of the store at Richard's poorly veiled threat. Instead he just nodded again, stepping back and wrapping his arm around Rapunzel's waist.

"Yeeaaaah... I'll do... that..." Eugene said slowly, turning to Rapunzel to break his gaze away from Richard's progressively reddening face. "Hey, Goldie. We have everything, right? We're gonna be late for that thing."

"That thing? Well, yeah, I have all the paints, but what..." Rapunzel began, but Eugene began to tug her away as soon as she said the affirmative.

"Good, wouldn't want to be late. Never know when you could be late. Better to be early." Eugene fired, slapping a twenty down on the counter, and not looking back.

"FARE THEE WELL, GENTLE LEZNU~" was the last thing that either of them heard before the door swung close and cut off Richard's goodbyes.

"Wow. And I thought that it was my turn to plan date night. What are we running late for, Eugene?" Rapunzel asked in confusion as they turned the corner and headed for the parking lot.

"An explanation." Eugene said cryptically, and Rapunzel couldn't read his mood as he opened the car door for her.

"A... wait, what is this about, Eugene? Are you still mad that I brought you to the game shop?" Rapunzel said, her confusion turning into a bit of annoyance.

"No, no. The game shop was fine. The people IN the game shop is a different story." Eugene said, plopping down on the drivers seat and checking his mirrors.

Rapunzel's look switched back to confusion in an instant. "What do you mean... the people..."

Eugene sighed and tried to calm down. It wasn't really Rapunzel's fault she was a gorgeous girl that happened to have a lot of nerdy hobbies. He had to tread carefully.

"Rapunzel... look, you go to that store a lot, right?" Eugene said, trying to pick his words.

"Uh huh. Once a week, at least." Rapunzel replied with equal caution.

"And you say that they're really nice in there, right?" Eugene went on. Rapunzel nodded, still not sure about what Eugene was getting at. "Well, they're nice to you, sure, but did you see the rest of the people in there? I don't think they treat each other the same way, Rapunzel." Finally, realizations seemed to start dawning on Rapunzel and Eugene pressed on.

"Plus they give you stuff... do they give stuff for free to other people too, Rapunzel?" Eugene said, hoping that he didn't have to spell it out any more than he already had. Thankfully, Rapunzel could hear another pane of glass breaking in her head as it struck her all at once.

"Orbiters..." Rapunzel whispered, looking down at her lap.

"Wha...?" Eugene said, not really catching the word.

"Beta Orbiters..." Rapunzel said, louder this time as she faced Eugene with a look of panic.

"Blondie, this isn't the time to talk about your astrology hooha, we're having a serious conversation here!" Eugene said as he leaned back in his chair.

"I know, I know. That's what I'm saying. Those guys are beta orbiters! And I'm... I'm... a THAT GIRL!" Rapunzel said, horrified. Eugene let out another sigh as he came to his own realization.

"Oh no... oh no oh no... this isn't another four channel thing, is it? Because if..." Eugene began, but was cut off by Rapunzel's mouth diarrhea. Eugene consigned himself to his fate and just strapped in for the ride that never ended..

"It makes sense... soooo much sense. The battalion boxes! Those Temple Guard figurines that Tony just kept giving me! ALL THAT FREE ROLEPLAY XP!" Rapunzel lamented, caught in her own world again.

"Shocking." Eugene said with unbridled sarcasm, knowing that Rapunzel wouldn't catch any of it while full tilt on one of her manic rants.

"I'm a horrible, horrible person. I just am. Totally horrible." Rapunzel said to herself, slumping against the glass. "I can't go back... I mean, I have to go back! I have to apologize to everyone. How can I face any of them on D&D night now?"

"I'm sensing a little conflict here, Rapunzel." Eugene said, glad to see Rapunzel was finally winding down on her tirade. Rapunzel turned with tearful eyes and nodded. Eugene's heart was breaking seeing his girlfriend so upset. Obviously this type of thing was important to her, for whatever unfathomable reason.

"I like playing Dungeons and Dragons... and I can't now... at least for a while after this truth bomb..." Rapunzel whimpered, and that was all it took for Eugene to utter a sentence that would haunt him till the last of his days.

"Well... if you want... maybe we can play?" Eugene offered, putting his hand on Rapunzel's.

The brilliant and beautiful smile that Rapunzel gave him at that moment almost made up for all the horror that Eugene would face in the coming weeks.

Almost.


	16. You sure this isn't Call of Cthulhu?

"I will kill you for this, Fitzherbert." Elsa muttered under her breath as Eugene grabbed fistfuls of hair in frustration.

"I dunno, this stuff looks pretty fun." Kristoff said, biting into a carrot stick as he read over one of the many, many reams of paper Rapunzel had given them to pore over. "Cleave? You mean I get to hit a guy so hard I hit another guy? That sounds awesome!" Kristoff grinned. Eugene prided himself at being able to read people well, but Kristoff was always full of surprises. His enthusiasm for the whole thing was just another addition to the bizarre set of circumstance that this night was shaping up to be.

"Well, you guys will have to help me out, then. All these numbers are already hurting my eyes." Anna said, erasing another set of botched stats from her character sheet. "Here, let me help." Elsa said quietly and sidled up next to her sister, looking over the sheets with her. Anna smiled, scooting closer as best she could.

All through this, Rapunzel bustled in and out of the dining room, setting up charts and maps and putting down snacks. Eugene was surprised to see that she even managed to borrow some of the really big steins from the Snuggly Duckling.

"Rapunzel, do you need any help?" Anna said, worrying over the three trays of cookies and pies that Rapunzel balanced.

"No no, you stay put Anna. This is kind of my project anyway. Don't you dare lift a finger." Rapunzel laughed, setting down the food off to the side.

Anna looked like she wanted to argue but was silenced by a squeeze on her shoulder.

"Rapunzel has it under control. Let's take a look at what your character can do, okay?" Elsa said, and that seemed to be enough for Anna to settle back down. If Eugene wasn't too busy dreading the next few hours, he might have noticed something going on between the two. But all his attention was focused on the girl taking a seat behind what looked like a miniature tri-fold at the head of the table.

"Alright. Are you guys ready... for... dun-dun-duuuun..." Rapunzel began her drumroll, and again to Eugene's surprise, Kristoff actually started tapping on the table with his pen in time.

"Your... avataaaaaarrrs." Rapunzel said with barely contained excitement. With a little rustling behind her tri-fold, Rapunzel reached over the screen and placed a miniature warrior on to the mammoth slab of gridded mat in front of them.

"Kristoff the fighter! With his mighty ax he chops down his enemies like a food processor going through tomatoes." Rapunzel said, beginning her introductions.

"Heh, I like the sound of that." Kristoff chuckled, taking the mini for a closer inspection. Rapunzel went on with her spiel.

"Anna! The bard! With the healing song of her rapier and the murderous ringing of her lute!" Rapunzel slid the figurine to Anna.

Anna smiled. "Murderous ringing of... Wait, what?" Anna said, Rapunzel's words finally settling in her head, but her cousin was already invested in the next character of her campaign.

"Elsa, the sorcerer! With chilling blasts of the elements and..."

"Wait! I thought I was playing a wizard?" Elsa said, crossing her arms.

"You said you wanted to play whatever the closest thing was to a mage in WoW?" Rapunzel sighed, her arms akimbo.

"Isn't that a wizard? I might not play tabletops, but I've been to /tg/ enough times, Rapunzel. Sorcerers are just freaks born with magic. Who would want to be something stupid like that?" Elsa protested, actually taking a look at the fluff and lore of her character sheets and not just the damage mechanics.

"C'mon Elsa, it's just for one session then. If you don't like it, you can reroll and be a wizard next game, okay?" Rapunzel whined. Elsa thought about objecting again, but relented as she saw the very genuine tears threatening to fall from Rapunzel's eyes.

"Alright. I'll be the cursed monster." Elsa grumbled. Rapunzel squealed again in joy, handing Elsa an elegantly sculpted figurine.

"I had to pledge a Kickstarter for that one." Rapunzel nodded sagely, and Elsa did have to agree that the miniature was of a higher quality.

Eugene had to admit, the evening wasn't going as disastrously as he had thought it would turn out. True, he still thought that the whole thing was stupid and he should have never brought the idea up, but seeing that the other people around the table were actually... excited? Well, at least they had a positive attitude about the whole thing. He was even a little bit curious about what his little figurine would be like.

"And for Eugene..." Rapunzel said, ducking behind her little screen to rummage in her materials.

"Alright blondie. Let's see the devilishly handsome mini-me that you've got painted up." Eugene smirked.

"... the thief!" Rapunzel said, plopping down a little lizardman in front of her boyfriend.

"... is that a frog?" Eugene said, not even picking up the toy.

"Well, it's more a chameleon skink from my Warhammer army. Sorry Eugene, I've never played a rogue before and I didn't have anything that fit." Rapunzel shrugged apologetically. "I'll give you a bonus to your hide and sneak rolls?" Rapunzel added lamely.

"Fine, fine. Let's just start this already." Eugene relented, snatching up the frogman and setting it on top of the pile of gaming junk that Rapunzel had heaped up on him.

"Alright everybody. Grab your cookies and get rid of the rest of your seats..." Rapunzel said, heaving a gigantic book filled with sticky notes and tabs behind her tri-fold.

Elsa knew what was coming, and groaned internaly.

"... cause you'll only need the eeeeeedgeeeee..." Rapunzel grinned, then started a terrible imitation of a cheesy horror laugh as she untied the strings of her dice pouch.

"You all find yourselves in a tavern..."


	17. HAHAHA TIME FOR TG

_You all find yourselves in tavern. By the fire, a… OH! Wait, hold on a second_

**Rustle rustle**

Tinny music starts to blare from Rapunzel's laptop speakers as she plays a polka soundtrack for the group.

_Ahem, by the fire, a merry band of musicians plays a riveting jig. This is the land of Andalasia. There's beauty and there's danger here, from terrible little bands of ankle-bitey goblins to giant trolls that stalk the hills in a single bound!_

"Wait a minute. I thought trolls were teeny tiny. How can they step over a hill?"

_We're talking about the giant Norway trolls, Kristoff. Not the little ones with goofy hair._

"Well sorry."

_No big deal. Anyway, your band of adventurers has been brought together by a mysteeeerious stranger._

"Oh? Why is he so mysterious?"

_Huh? Why wouldn't he be mysterious, Elsa? This is the first time you've met him!_

"Isn't this the first time I've met anybody in this party?"

_That's because he brought all of you guys together for his quest!_

"Why would that make a difference if we have to worry about people that come off as mysterious?"

_That's a good point that you bring up. Tell me, how many of the questgivers in Durotar do you know on a first name basis?_

"… fine…"

_Alright, so this mysterious stranger has brought you all to the tavern with the promise of wealth and opportunity._

_"Adventurers, I am in need of your assistance. For years I have studied the magical ley lines of the surrounding countryside in my tower on the edge of town. I had been recording my findings diligently and have recently made a stunning breakthrough! Alas, last week, I came home from visiting the town apothecary to find my home ransacked. My house is in disarray, yet they've only taken a single item from my hold…"_

"Wow blondie. You wrote all that?"

_Well, I did lift it from a module. And a few quest threads online. I swear, this is totally my idea and…_

"Hey hey hey, whoa, slow down. It was a compliment."

_Oh, I knew that. Thanks Eugene. I was really worried that…_

Rapunzel, you were telling us how the old guy wants us to get his book back?

_Hmm? OH! Right. Thanks Elsa._

_"… and as SOME of you might have already guessed, I need you to retrieve that item, my Ledger of Ley Lines, from the scoundrels that have stolen it! I tracked the thieves as best I could to the old copper mine across the village. Return my ledger, and I promise that you will be compensated greatly for your peril! Have you any questions?"_

"I HAVE A QUESTION, OLD MAN!"

_Ouch! Anna, why are you yelling?!_

"Oops, sorry. I was getting caught up in the everything. Ahem, I mean, I have… no wait, wait. I HAVETH a question, old man!"

…

_"Alright… what is your question, bard?"_

"I… actually, I kind of forgot. Sorry! I got nervous when he started talking to me!

_Nervous… why would you be nervous? It's just me…_

"Well, duh, but it's you as 'The Mysterious Stranger'! That's kind of intimidating, you know."

_Really? I was a little anxious about using that voice, you know, since I don't think I can put that much bass in my…_

"Rapunzel? The quest?"

_Right, right, sorry, sorry._

_"If you have no further questions, I must return to my home to fortify it against further attacks! Come see me when you have retrieved my ledger!"_

_The mysterious stranger then flaps his cape dramatically and exits the tavern, leaving you to prepare. What do you do, adventurers?_

"What do you mean 'what do we do'? We're going to go to the mine and get the book back."

_Well, of course Kristoff, but aren't you going to talk to the villagers or…_

"Why would we want to do that? The man said that his ledger was in the mines."

_He did, Elsa, and he said a lot of other stuff too. Aren't you guys going to make a battle plan now? Find information? What if there was someone in town that knows more about the ledger and…_

"I don't know, goldie. I mean, as someone who participates in shady deals, you do have to have integrity when you're doing a job. Get in, get the book, get out, get paid. What's to think about?"

_Integrity? What kind of… and HEY! I thought you were done with shady deals, Eugene!_

"I meant participatED. Ed. As in past tense. Now shouldn't we go to the mines already?"

_Eugene! We're going to have a talk about your friend Ed later! Guys, try putting yourselves in your characters shoes. I mean, sure it's easy to just say "Let's go the mine and get the book back" but, like, use your imagination! What would your fantasy character think and say?_

"LET US GOETH TO THE MINES AND RETRIEVETH THE BOOKETH!"

_Anna! That's not what I meant!_

"Oop, sorry. I was yelling again. I meanteth, let us goeth to the mines and retrieveth the booketh!"

"Soundseth goodeth to me. Time to get paideth."

"Should be easier than finding Mankrik's wife. Ah, I mean, wifeth. Sorry, I never rolled a character on an RP server, Rapunzel."

"Alright! I am ready to cleaveth!"

Rapunzel groaned and buried her head behind the screen. Seven pages of villager NPC characters, plot twists, rival wizards vying for the book, magic compass Macguffins, a faction of mage breakers, and a greedy mining guild all up in smoke. She wondered if this would be worth posting on /tg/ later. Still, at least they seemed to be getting into it. Well, Anna and Kristoff anyway. Now she just had to deal with Elsa in powergamer mode and details about Eugene's professional life that she wasn't really sure she was ready for. Rapunzel wasn't sure of what she should be more afraid of the two.

Still, a hundred THAT GUY threads had prepared her for this moment. She had thousands of greentext stories under her belt. She had Tucker's Kobolds, Old Man Henderson, wild gazebos, Sir Bearington, Sandwich the Paladin, and Los Tiburon. She was ready. At least she hoped she was ready. Oh god, she better be ready. Taking a deep breath, Rapunzel flips through to the quest section of her folder.

_'Here I go.'_

_Alright… you head towards the abandoned mine…_

* * *

Author's Note:

Though this was made primarily for the 4chan crowd, for people who don't quite understand /tg/ references, some of the terms and allusions I make can be found at 1d4chan. Just google it and I hope that it'll help those that don't regularly visit the dumping ground of the internet to understand a bit of Rapunzel, and my own, perspective.

And for anons, yes, I am aware I am spoonfeeding. Don't worry. I still think you guys are more based. Shout-out to my homies in /frz/!


End file.
